I Can't Take This Anymore!

"I can't take this anymore!"

I've said this before - more than once... and I'm still married.

Those 'midnight hour' emotions seem to last more than an hour and I often wondered if I'd find the strength to make it through that hour to see a dim light of joy and peace.

In the past, when I experienced those 'midnight hour' emotions, the worse thing I did was sit and think about how I felt. Good Lord, my own thoughts were damaging to my spirit, my mind, and my marriage. I needed something bigger than me to bring me out of my midnight hour. I needed to free myself of the damaging thoughts about my husband that were controlling my life.

When I feel bad, I think bad, and before I know it, everything around me looks bad, which is what leads me to thoughts of leaving my marriage. Focusing on my husband's faults, weaknesses, mistakes, and everything else that irritates me about him and my marriage comes to mind and before I know it, my midnight hour becomes darker.

You may not find one word on this sight to help you through your midnight hour, but I can tell you what helped me - prayer. It took a higher power (My God) to pull me out of the pits and believe it or not, my bad situation(s) allowed me to rise to a higher level - regardless of my husband's actions or words.

I had to mentally divorce the constant ugly thoughts of my husband and concentrate on my Self. I had to focus on my own mistakes and shortcomings. I had to focus on changing myself and my mindset. I had to focus on my relationship with my Prince of Peace, which was the answer to perfect peace in my marriage.

Another person should not control our thoughts, emotions, actions, or our happiness and this is what I found myself doing. I allowed my damaging thoughts to steal my peace, which was my power! Don't let anyone else steal your power.

Stop marinating on the bad and focus on the good through prayer. Prayer directs me to a place of peace - a place within myself where no one else can go. Find this place within yourself and it will get you through your 'midnight hour'.

We can't control our spouse's actions, but we can sure control our thoughts and reactions.

2 comments:

Lady G said...

Did that change the marriage or his behavior? Are you still married?

MOMSWEB said...

Lady G, I'm sure it's been over a year since I wrote this post and yes, I'm still married. Marriage is one difficult course in life that I don't think you ever graduate from, but you sure do learn a lot about yourself and what love is REALLY all about. I'm a witness, it does get better with time, but if you bail out early, you'll never see better, but you'll definitely end up bitter. Hmmm...that's a post right there! Thanks for dropping by!