I always joke (I think I'm joking) with hubby about leaving him when the boys leave for college. Once the boys graduate, I won't have to cook or clean as much. FREEDOM! Hubby and I can do our own thing and go our separate ways. Well, I recently reminded hubby of this thought while at my parent's home this weekend and guess what hubby did? He immediately ran and told my parents like they would rescue him or something. It was hilarious! I pictured a little boy running to tell that his friend said a bad word. Are you serious?
I'm not sure what my parents told him, but I heard a lot of laughter. Hubby later told me he couldn't believe I would leave him in the cold. I let him know I would wait until the summer months if that would help him. LOL!
Humor in a marriage is medicinal for me. If I take it too seriously all the time, I don't think I would be here.
I actually had someone tell me she didn't feel she has a husband anymore because he was so disconnected. You would never know it to look at them because they are usually always together, yet there is little to no conversation. They've been this way for a few years, but her only desire is to renew her marriage. I think this is so beautiful because after a year of no conversation, the 'D' word would have come out of my mouth.
Love, commitment, patience, understanding, long suffering, acceptance, humility and a few other powerful love qualities are definitely necessary to withstand trying times in a marriage - even if the storm lasts for more than you think you can tolerate. You never know until you've been there!
This woman waiting and wanting restoration in her marriage is an amazing example of what marriage is about. Not knowing much about her husband besides the one-sided story I heard from her, everyone deserves another chance...or do they? Does it depend on the situation? If so, would that be called conditional love? I believe they've been married for over 20 years, so they've already experienced their share of storms. This is also proof of the various seasons marriages go through as we age together. Aging brings on another set of issues to deal with - adult children, frequency of sex or lack of, menopause, and even the mid-life crisis some men experience.
Whatever the case, be still in your storm. It HAS to pass! Have you ever known a storm to last forever? The storm may tear up a few things and scare the heck out of you, but after it passes and clean up is done, you hardly know a storm came through!
"When a marriage has had real problems and then the wife makes a devoted effort to improve it by applying the principles of Fascinating Womanhood, it can cause a peculiar reaction in her husband which I call Pandora's Box. In this case, when Fascinating Womanhood is applied, instead of the man being loving and tender, he may become violent and pour out resentments and hostile feeling towards his wife.
It is important for the wife to understand the change which is taking place within the man, which cause this violent outburst. I can explain it in this way: If a man's marriage has been "shaky, " he may have suppressed resentful feelings towards his wife in order to hold his marriage together. When she has made mistakes which have hurt him or disappointed him, instead of expressing these troubled feelings, he may have felt it necessary to suppress them in order to avoid further marriage problems or even a marriage failure. This is not to say that he acted wisely, but only to say that he did so out of what he felt was a necessity."
I found the above excerpt to be very true in my own marriage. When I decided to make changes years ago, it was like hubby was saying, "The nerve of you!" I had to simply understand that just because I changed didn't mean he was expected to receive it on MY time. Of course, he eventually came around and realized the change was real and our marriage could benefit. He even made changes of his own. These things take time and a lot of patience and understanding. If your marriage has been rocky for a number of years, it is highly unlikely it will change over night.