Pointing Fingers

It's been waaaaay too long since I checked in or given an update on the love challenge. Needless to say, I failed the love challenge. Sure, I can pick it up again, but had to let you know the real deal. 

Our sons had basketball tournaments over the weekend and we were at the gym aaaaall day long on Saturday and Sunday. Hungry, tired, winning, losing, yelling at refs, yelling at the boys on the court, sleepy, buying junk food, etc....Everything I mentioned is BAD food for any relationship and an open playground for Mr. and Mrs. Flesh to surface.  It got reeeeal ugly. I can laugh at it now, but I wished I was Bewitched and made hubby disappear. LOL!

We're back to normal now...the way we were before the love challenge - enjoying each other and dealing with married life - the good and the bad - the happy times and the sad - the laughter and the "that's not funny" moments.  Do I feel bad that I messed the love challenge up?  No. Actually, I'm relieved because that was A LOT of work. Now, I can exhale and just love hubby my way. Wait a minute, who said I messed the love challenge up?  It wasn't my fault! He started it! Humph.....Well, no need to point fingers....it takes two to tango, right?

It Takes TIME

"Although, I'm not married. I must admit I do enjoy reading your blog. It is easy to read and often times very thought provoking. It makes me realize no matter how wonderful we (single people) think marriage can be, it is not without its challenges. But, I do believe with hard work and two willing participants. It can work."

The above was a comment on my Facebook page. I'm thankful that even the single readers benefit from the blog. It is my goal to share how to be happy even in the unhappily moments of marriage. The blogs that share all the lubby dubby stuff make me want to throw up. No marriage is always happily married UNLESS you've already been through the storms and have finally learned how to be married. It takes TIME and a good marriage evolves, it doesn't just happen when you say, "I do."

It's been sixteen years, and I'm just learning how to freely love my husband in spite of past abusive relationships. No human being should have to pay for another's actions, but we are products of our childhood, environment, peers, parents, relationships, and so many other factors.

I'm enjoying this love challenge I've taken, and I must be honest. I would not have been able to do this five years ago - it wasn't time. Now it is time for me to enjoy my husband and show affection without reservation.  I thank God for mercy and another chance to show and receive love.  Good grief, after 16 years, I think we deserve to be lubby dubby for a minute!

I'm laughing just wondering what the next post will be about. Will hubby rub me the wrong way tonight or will I open my mouth and insert foot?  I'll be sure to keep you updated on our love challenge.

Until next time....show your spouse some love!

What's Your Foundation?

What is your marriage built on?

The love challenge is going quite well - probably because I haven't been home all weekend. I was invited to speak at a woman's retreat for We Snap in Silence, so hubby was on Daddy Duty this weekend. We spoke on the telephone once while I was away.  Kevin doesn't like it when I don't call and I don't like it when he calls too much. Aren't we a strange couple? It's amazing we're married and actually like each other.  

Liking each other is so key - friendship is what brought us together and our friendship will help keep us together. A man will leave you in a hot minute, but a friend will be with you through thick and thin. Think about it ladies...where are all those men who SAID they loved us or those men who didn't express their love, but we gave ourselves to them anyway. That wasn't love, that was LUST! 

Many couples brag about having a great sex life, but what if that sex drive decreases as age increases? What if the sex drive just disappears? Life happens, you know!

Prayerfully, your marriage is built on a foundation of spirituality, friendship, or something a little more solid than sex or money.

If you have a rocky foundation, love conquers all. Try it with the love challenge! Although things are going fine in the love challenge, I'm staying on my toes through prayer and being attentive to hubby. You've heard of the calm before the storm, right? I've got my umbrella ready juuust in case.

Squeaky Breaks Upset Love Challenge

If Kevin had been home yesterday, he would have gotten a few choice words that were safely kept in my mind and I would have failed the love challenge.

Kevin recently changed the breaks on the car as he always does, but yesterday, I noticed the breaks were squeaking - loudly! What in the world?  Every time I pressed the breaks, it sounded like the loudest, most irritating squeal. Grrrrr

If I had a cell phone, I would have called him ON HIS JOB and allowed those choice words to surface and destroy. I was only thinking of myself and forgetting all the other times he has saved us money by changing the breaks and doing a wonderful job. Fortunately, I was able to suppress my dissatisfaction and keep my ugly words to myself. I probably would have sounded worse than the breaks.

Believe it or not, Kevin came home from work without me saying a word and fixed the breaks. I haven't driven the car yet, but we'll see.

So, did I fail the challenge because I had a mental argument in my mind without him knowing about it? I don't think so. This is what it takes sometimes to keep my mouth shut. Thank God spouses can't read minds!

On with the challenge!

Love Challenge Update

So far, so good.

Kevin and I are like oil and water. We disagree on more than we agree on. We are opposites to every degree, but it's been great experiencing the love challenge.

This morning, we had a discussion on how Kevin makes a mountain out of a mole hill. I was able to express my honest feelings without going off.  I told him a wife wants to feel secure when problems in life arise, so as the head of the household, a husband needs to be that strong figure - the security blanket - not somewhere biting his nails.

No, Kevin isn't that bad, but you get the picture.

If you've decided to accept our dare and join the love challenge, send me an email and share your experience.

We Dare You!

About a week ago, I set myself up to take a love challenge. I was going to be completely loving, forgiving, and attentive to hubby without any reservations. I would speak his love language and give him all the physical touch he wanted.  I would smile at him when I wanted to frown. I would uplift when I wanted to tear him down. The challenge was going to be for a full month, but after thinking about it, I knocked it down to two weeks. After thinking some more, the two weeks went to seven days, then I thought I'd just take the challenge day by day.  The mere thought of the challenge exhausted me. Whew! That's a lot of work and it was definitely a set up - for failure.  I know myself.

Needless to say, I've been challenging myself on a daily basis to immerse myself in loving hubby, putting his needs first, and loving him without reservations. It's actually been fun and getting easier everyday. It APPEARS that hubby has joined me in the challenge although he hasn't verbally said it. Love is contagious and habit forming.

I'll keep you posted and will definitely let you know when I slip up. It'll be kinda funny when my SELF gets in the way.  I'm full of attitude and will be the first to admit it.

How about you? Are you up for the challenge? We dare you!

TV Is Not Reality

Hubby and I had an interesting conversation about television couples and sex. I told him he watched waaaay too much television if he thought our intimacy would be anything like the tv shows. I'm sorry, there isn't a tv show on that portrays the reality of a married couple and sex - especially a married couple with children - well, maybe Everybody Loves Raymond.

Most wives don't go to bed with make up on nor do they wake up looking like they walked out of the beauty salon. Give me a break! 

Most wives are so tired when it's time for bed, they simply want to roll over and go to sleep - not roll over on their husbands and initiate sex.

It would be nice to use the rest of the house to enjoy intimacy, but with children, you better be behind closed and locked doors. The kitchen counter is just not happening.

Men are visual and this is probably why they watch so much tv, but expecting the sex life to measure up to what they watch on television is a set up for disappointment. Even adult movies are a lie. Lies - lies - lies, but men enjoy watching...for the thrill?

I guess wives are just as much to blame by watching soap operas. I use to be a soap addict, but knew then that I wasn't watching the real world!

Turn the television off and enjoy the reality of sex in marriage.

How Do You Say Thank You?

 Since hubby and I have been married, he's made it quite clear how he prefers to be thanked when he's earned 'brownie points' or completed something on his 'honey do' list. 

It all begin with a screen door I wanted when we lived in San Diego. After hubby purchased and put the screen door up, I thanked him over and over again. A couple days later, he says to me, "You still haven't thanked me."  Excuse me?  After he gave me the 'google eyed' look, I got the message. Ohhhh...that's how you want to be thanked! 

I'm convinced men think about sex  all   most of their waking hours.

If you read the previous post, hubby had to remind me of his desired thank you gift. LOL!

So, a thank you note, a special dinner, an unexpected gift or even a foot massage would be appreciated by your husband, but most men want the physical thanks that really says THANK YOU!

A New Position

Sorry, we're not talking about a new sex position, but something better!

How many of you come home from work and SIT in your favorite chair for the rest of the evening? Uh...I believe that's called a couch potato isn't it? I know those of you working jobs requiring manual or mental labor come home exhausted and want nothing, but to rest your body for the next work day.

Hubby and I have a phrase that we say when we're about to SIT... Assume the Position!

This means we are prepared to sit on our behind in front of the television for the rest of the evening. Yes, it's usually hubby Assuming the Position! and I appreciate his 'warning' because I know he's had a long, hard day and to not ask him to do anymore labor driven jobs.

Weeeeeell, yesterday hubby came home and found a new position! That's him in the photo above changing the vacuum cleaner bag and cleaning behind the refrigerator PLUS he repaired a leak the refrigerator had. You go, boiiiiiiii. When he finished, I told him he deserved to Assume the Position.

A couch potato spouse can be hard to peel away from the sitting position, but keep in mind...for a man to work all day, he believes (in his mind) that it is his divine right to come home and Assume the Position! Not only does he believe this, but he also believes he is the King of the castle and he expects to be served!