Am I A Punk?

I spoke with a gentleman recently who said he felt like a punk for staying in his marriage. He is a good husband and takes good care of his wife and family, yet feels his kindness is mistaken for weakness. His wife has never expressed this and only appreciates her husband's efforts.

Ego and pride can destroy any relationship.

HUMILITY is the key.

I believe this gentlemen is experiencing what meekness or humility is without knowing the meaning of the word. Yes, humility can make you feel like a punk if you don't understand it, but thinking less of yourself and putting your spouse's needs before your own shows great character. Many are not able to show humility in marriage and have a 'what about me' attitude. As crazy as it sounds, when we put the needs of others first, the return may take a while, but the rewards are more than amazing.

Showing humility is important when it comes to spiritual warfare in marriage. It makes a huge difference in our reaction and actions towards our spouse. Humility is another form of forfeiting the last word. Humility is servant-hood. Humility invites personal growth and growth in marriage. If you're feeling like a punk, you may be showing humility.

3 comments:

AzraeL said...

Ok, here's a different perspective, maybe I'm not seeing something. Can't keep it short and give a full perspective, but guesses work.

I don't think I am filled with humility. But there has to be a point where things are evaluated differently, where a person decides (realizes?) that he (his humility) is being taken advantage of.

Five yours is a lot to recap, I'll try to hit highlights:
- good job, 401K, Roth IRA, stock fund, credit cards (~$100K limit), money in the bank, bills paid on time, etc. All good.
- Met a woman, short-term fun; single mom
- moved twice, 5 job transitions, girlfriend moved in (woman above), fired from one job / unable to get new job or even UNEMPLOYMENT for MONTHS, she was depressed for over a year (even WITH meds, she couldn't get off the couch most days - because she couldn't find a job, she didn't think she'd have a problem.) We ate out frequently (condo was small, TV is small consolation with no friends and no social interaction), yet we had a maid.
Blew through money faster than I could earn it; she wanted to pay the bills to "feel like she was contributing".
Then there was the custody battle for her daughter ($30K), purchase of a house($30K down + mortgage), her car payments, my motorcycle payments, then I got fired. Most of that occurred 2006-2008, excepting two job positions. Bankruptcy in 2007, repo of her car and my bike 2008, though she DID keep food on the table after I lost my job. Still, I wasn't interested in being husband or father, and told her so up front.
I was a beast after I lost my job; she's been beastly frequently.

So again, at what point does an individual cross from humble partner to punk? (Especially considering I'm not married to her.)

MOMSWEB said...

AzraeL,

I think you answered your question in your last sentence. The only thing you owe someone you aren't married to is mutual respect. Marriage takes on a whole new face and meaning of relationships. In marriage you become one. Living together, you're playing house and there are no ties of commitment - there were no vows made to each other.

My husband and I lived together for a couple of years until I didn't feel comfortable 'shacking up'. It's hard to explain, but when we married, we both changed - our mindsets changed...BECAUSE we were legally married.

You've put a lot into your relationship and I wouldn't call you a punk, yet I can see how you must feel your kindness and love has been taken advantage of.
You know what your gut is telling you to do, so listen to your inner self. Both of you may benefit.

Anonymous said...

Hey LaVender! Are you happy or not?
Are you married or what? How do you snap in silence?