Pornography - Can it help? Can it hurt?

 I personally believe pornography hurts marriages, and I realize I'm probably in the minority regarding this issue. Below are some pros and cons of pornography in marriage.

Pornography in Marriage

 Cons - Reasons People Believe Pornography Hurts Marriages

• Guilt, mistrust, and anger about pornography can tear your marriage apart.

• Turning to pornography may cause your spouse to withdraw from your relationship because he receives instant gratification from his fantasies.

• When your husband views porn you may feel disrespected, take it personally, and believe that you aren't enough for him. This can create a wedge in your marriage.

• Pornography could make it difficult for your husband to see sex as a loving form of communication. As a result, pornography can decrease sexual satisfaction within your marriage.

Pros -- Reasons People Believe Pornography Does Not Hurt Marriages

• A wife may think, "How can he say he loves me and look at this smut?" Looking at a pretty woman doesn't mean a man doesn't enjoy making love to his wife. It is an entirely different part of their lives that is separate from their marriage.

• Some sexual experts believe a sexual relationship can be enhanced when imagination is allowed to run free.

• If your sexual intimacy with one another is not being replaced by your husband's porn viewing, then it should not be an issue in your marriage.

• If your husband is viewing porn, it can only hurt you if you allow it to. If you aren't insecure and have a good self-image, your husband's porn use won't hurt you.

Talk With One Another About Pornography

Discussing this issue with trust and honesty without accusing one another is the first step in dealing with pornography. Sexual therapists suggest that partners not try to censor one another's thoughts or to force one another to view offensive material.

Whether or not pornography will add to or lessen a couple's sexual enjoyment is up to each couple.

 Source - About.com.marriage

Not Your Business

I heard the below statement on a marriage program yesterday and thought I'd share. 

It's not your business how your spouse treats you. 
This is between your spouse and God.

Your only business should be how you treat your spouse.

This is so true and I believe I've mentioned this more than once in some way or another. We spend a lot of time thinking about how we are treated when we should focus on our self and our own actions.

Q and A

 Q

LaVender,

My husband and I took some time off work and we reconnected as people in love during that time (lunch, a movie, laughter and conversation, etc.).   Married couples get to this place where the woman treats the man like one of her children (fussing, nagging, etc.) and the man treats the woman like one of his annoying co-workers. Why is that?!?
Anonymous

A

Anonymous,

I don't claim to be a marriage expert, and this is just my opinion.

The longer I’m married, I realize our relationship is like an old t-shirt or a pair of sweats that are raggedy as @#!*% . We feel so comfortable in the old sweats or t-shirt and just can’t let it go. Nothing else in our closet makes us feel as comfortable, yet we wouldn’t dare wear it outside the house. As comfortable as the t-shirt is, there comes a time when you need to buy something new – keep the t-shirt, but buy a new one every now and then…just like marriage – keep the comfy feeling (no one else makes us feel this way), but sometimes we need to reNEW the relationship. 

Getting comfortable is actually a good thing in marriage if it's not abused. Think about it. How many people can you do what you do and look like you look with your spouse? We're able to let our guards down and simply be who we really are - without masks. The only problem with this comfy feeling is when we take advantage of our comfort space. Instead of showing our spouse how much we appreciate being comfortable with them and growing old together, we misuse our old sweats and forget to treat them as special as we would a new pair of sweats. 

LaVender

Can You Do It?

Can you do it?

Are you strong enough?

Humble enough?

Can you be wrong even when you know you're right?

Stop fighting...give in...surrender!