I could not get to the airport quick enough that early December morning when my husband permanently returned from being stationed in Cuba. We must have hugged an hour prior to the drive back to my mother's home, and the pet names flew all the whole trip. So excited to begin our new life, and give my mom and stepfather their home back, we left a day and a half later.
The drive down was uncomfortable to say the least. We listened to the radio, mostly, and were right back to having the typical, "You're driving too fast" followed by "Don't tell me how to drive " arguments. We always made up at rest stops as we've done for years when on road trips. When we got to our destination we stayed in an economy hotel until we found an apartment two weeks later. It was miserable being cramped up and then adding to the misery was the fact Lee seemed distant again, as though he were sad to be with me, and our son.
We moved into our non-furnished apartment, waiting for the military to deliver our furniture. I was happy, Ryan was ecstatic (when we pulled into the hotel on the last day he cried upon seeing it) but Lee was just there. Finally, I couldn't stand it any longer. On December 25, 2005 (my 26th birthday), without any warning, I looked at him and asked, "Did you love her?" With a long face and tears in his eyes he replied, "Yes." My world was shattered....
Before continuing I'd like to express to you at this time that I have not cried over this moment in years, until now. The emotional devastation from actually hearing those words stem from the mouth of the man I've loved with every ounce of my being, and still do, is buried so deep within me that writing it out makes it seem fresh again.
At first I sat there and calmly questioned him. In my mind I already knew between the dreams, his behavior, and the scratches in particular, that he had an affair--I wasn't shocked, yet. I asked him how long, "since February of this year", he replied.
The pieces of the puzzle that would explain my husband's behavior were now falling in place. I learned her name, that she was a coworker and the day after they had sex at a party is the day Lee and I spoke on the phone and he mentioned contemplating suicide. He felt like he was with another woman because it was her body and ways in the hay he'd become accustomed. In essence, I was the other woman to him now. My last question was "Do you still love and want to be married to me?", "Yes", he replied, "but...."
Did you miss Part VI? Click here