unHappy Wives

Unfortunately, I know more unhappy wives than I do happy wives. I asked hubby why he thought so many wives were unhappy and his reply was, "Somebody isn't doing their job."

I did a little research and noticed the most frequent post visited on this site was titled Neglected Husbands. I continued my research and noticed the most googled words to bring visitors to this site were - unhappily married, neglected husband, spouse neglect - Hmmm...dare I try to come to a conclusion?

Hubby and I talked a little more about this and there is a very simple concept we came up with that has helped our marriage. You scratch my back and I'll scratch yours. Sounds crazy, but it's true.
The more we are loved, the more we reciprocate love. The more you sacrifice for me, the more I'll sacrifice for you. If you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.

Everyone wants to be loved and admired and this is the problem - we WAIT to be loved and admired instead of INITIATING love and admiration.

It's an easy concept when the spouse is easy to love, but if you're married to a stick in the mud grump doing his or her own thing and ignoring the heck out of you and maybe even disrespecting you, showing love requires major effort - almost an out of body experience.

I hate to bring sex into the picture, but it sure is a driving force in marriage. If sex isn't happening, the marriage isn't happening and guaranteed to suffer in some form or fashion.

However intimacy is defined in your marriage - have it - lots of it. Remember....sex is a man's medicine and he'll die without it. Yeah, I said it.


Jackie said...

I love coming here! YOU KNOW I'M SINGLE.. and not lovin' it all that much any more. I'm learning so much from you. AND!! I have a brand new beau. Lord! It's been a long time coming! AND he thinks I'm hot. Yeah, well.. LOL

He's marriage minded, too. And honest about it. Soo... you know I'll be back. And ya'll just keep keeping it real right here. So I'll know not only how to get my back scratched.. but so I can learn how to properly scratch, and tickle, and blow on.. his back... and and .. ummm well, you get the idea!

I love you!! Give hubby a hug from me. He's a great teacher, too!

And you know my blog posts are likely to change, right? :o)

jeff and rebecca said...

May be a "sticky" topic for some but sex is definitely a very important part of a happy marriage. There really isn't anything like it when you are in a loving committed relationship with your spouse and you can share each other. Many women fail to see that their marriage could be so much more if they would be a little more giving in this area. I believe that a man would do almost anything for you if he feels loved, desired, respected and wanted!!!!

MOMSWEB said...

Jackie, I'm so happy you enjoy visiting with us married folk (smile). I had a big smile as I read about your new beau;if he hurts you he's a dead man. Oops...was that a thtreat?

Rebecca, I agree. The more they get the more they'll give. I know it's true in my marriage! Sex is serious business - almost a man's life line (smile).

Its Not About Me said...

Well I can say its the other way around in my case I go to my husband to give him a kiss or even a hug and he shrugs me...literally pushing me away with a frown on his face... and I sit back and wait for sex...we are 8 yrs apart, me being the youngest..i have a high sex drive..he once told me I need to take some pills to calm myself...REALLY!!! he sits in his room watch tv..all day without any effort of contact...he hunts and fishing is his hobby so I tried joining him so we could have something to do together but that has gotten old..I feel neglected in the worst way possible..but at the same time I have gotten so use to it that when I go in there where he is to get affection and he pushes me away I smile.. because he is kind of a character...

AboutToWalk said...

I'm in a similar situation as Its Not About Me. We're 7 1/2 years apart. Doesn't it hurt you in every way possible when he rather watch TV? What do I do when "He" rarely if ever wants to have sex? It seems like everything else is more important. I can't stand it. No, he's not having an affair. He's always home. I'm at the point of resentment. And the kicker, he thinks our relationship is just fine.

Unknown said...

I shouldn't be unhappy. He is a great father and a good friend. We have been together 30 yrs and married 23 yrs. 2 kids. I basically feel like I should not have gotten married. I don't "love" him. I know this because I have had 2 long term affairs and it feels wonderful saying I love you and you truly feel it in your heart. Sex with my husband is just not good. We don't have enough money to support 2 places to live. I feel like I in prison. He still loves me!