Part IV - Weighty Issues and False Security

It wouldn't be until October 19, 2009, that I learned the nightmare I had of Lee committing adultery, while pregnant with our first child, turned out to be reality. In hindsight, the signs were there. He was still loving and affectionate, but seemed a little more distant. He took on a part-time job as a bartender. At first he was home shortly after closing, then a bit later, and a bit later next time. Now is the appropriate moment to share a bit of back story...

One of Lee's biggest fears (I didn't know this until years later) was that I would gain weight and become a "frumpy" housewife. His stepmother and best friend (at different times) asked, "Lee, are you sure you want to marry Kay? I know you love her but she has the potential to be a 'big girl'." Secure in his love for me and confidant that wouldn't happen, he replied, "Yes, I'm sure. Besides, Kay isn't the type of girl to let herself go."

My weight has been an issue my entire life but when I met Lee I was in pretty good shape; I wasn't tiny by any means though at 5'5, 150 pounds. I gained about twenty pounds before getting pregnant with our first child. Lee used to encourage me to go for walks and take time to exercise but he never teased me or made harsh jokes. And, as irony would have it, around the time I was trying to get serious about losing weight, I got pregnant--and I grew huge. Something I would learn years later made my husband feel embarrassed and ashamed of me and was one reason he used to stray.

Lee and I touched, hugged and kissed on a daily basis, even as I became a virtual balloon. Both of us made sacrifices and were appreciative of one another. I willingly gave up having a career and he willingly supported us on his own. We communicated regularly about current events, work, home life, and all things general from movies to the lives of family members.

I was not the best housekeeper but we didn't live in filth. Everyday when he came home from work he was greeted with a smooch. I cooked his dinners and made him lunch and breakfast each day. I've always enjoyed doing that for him and since I stayed at home, what kind of wife would I be not to? He was not a chauvinist pig, I didn't feel as though I "had" to please him--I wanted to.

Lee's never made me feel guilty for staying home--not even to this day. But, perhaps because he always told me he loved me and showed it through touch, and that we were still communicating, I built up a false security. We didn't have a perfect marriage, but I chalked up my dreams (nightmares) and the slight distance as "normal." What we were missing though was a deeper level of communication. Lee is a conflict avoider and his gentle gestures to help me want to lose weight were actually his first cry that something was about to go wrong, and it did....

To be continued January 30th

Did you miss Part III? Click here

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