Mentally Leaving My Husband

Once I realized I really loved my husband and wanted to work on our marriage, I had to mentally divorce separate myself from hubby and concentrate on me. I turned him into a little god by focusing so much on him. Everything he did was analyzed and picked apart in my mind. It was difficult, but every time I thought of hubby, I forced myself and prayed to think of something else.

Through this process, I realized I had lost myself in the marriage. I expected hubby to make me happy, which was a big no-no. My mother told me before I got married to not expect my husband to make me happy, but obviously I didn't listen. Needless to say, it was time for me to reprogram myself without hubby. Although we were still living together and sleeping in the same bed, we were separate, and in my mind, I moved on.

This was a time of self reflection - a time to search myself and my heart - a time to fall in love with my first love - my Heavenly Father. Since I believed Jesus held the key to my marriage, it was Him I needed to focus on and booooy did He tell me a few things about myself.

I thought I was the holy more spiritually mature one in the marriage. Ha! God showed me I was nothing but a Bible quoting, pompous praising, wicked wife. Excuse me, God? Me? Oooooouch! You huuuurt me!

Yep, I was judging, pointing, and criticizing instead of accepting, uplifting, and encouraging my husband. Hubby once called me a hypocrite, and instead of listening to him, I prayed for him because I was convinced he was crazy just bitter.

Needless to say, the mental separation was healing for our marriage because it began a change in me. I saw myself for who I really was and not who I thought I was. This was a mind blowing experience for me and life changing for our marriage.

No wonder so many husbands stray (physically or mentally) from wives that appear to be sweet, Christian women. Sometimes we can be so heavenly we are no earthly good and I'm sure I was no earthly good in bed during these trying times in our marriage.

Coming Next - A Suffering Sex Life

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