May I Be Excused?

Life is funny. Not ha-ha funny, but unpredictable funny. Life will make you laugh at the outcome of some of the plans we make. We often laugh to keep from crying or maybe we laugh hysterically out of disbelief of how life has served us.

"When love is no longer being served, it's time to get up from the table." Source unknown

When I was a young girl sitting at the dinner table with my family, my two sisters and I had to ask to be dismissed from the table when we finished eating. "May I be excused?" I remember asking like it was yesterday. My father would look at my plate, look at me, and then politely excuse me.

In regards to my marriage, I didn't ask to be excused. My Heavenly Father knew my heart. He knew I wanted my marriage to last until death; however, love was no longer being served. God gave me permission - He released me. God knows the heart of his children and He knows our wants and needs before we ask.

Religion told me to stay in my marriage as an unhappy woman. Religion told me to continue forgiving. Religion told me my husband needed my help. Religion told me it was wrong to divorce.

Hmmm...I'm not so sure about the accuracy of religion and marriage because the God I serve and intimately commune with told me to forgive my husband and get the hell out of my marriage. The only help my spouse needed was a divine touch from God; I could no longer help him as his helpmeet. Sometimes we have to learn how to get out of God's way. I learned.

Life Happened...

It's been almost a year since I've shared anything on this blog. I believe it's safe to say that life happened.

After twenty years of marriage, getting through the midnight hours, forgiving, praying, being faithful, looking beyond faults, biting my tongue, and being the wife God asked me to be, I've left my marriage. Well, let me say it this way - God has released me from my marriage.

I have no regrets; and I'm at peace with my decision. It wasn't a difficult decision because I believe my spouse left me before I left - not physically, but emotionally. I felt like I was the only one in our union who was married.

Hypocrite? Not at all. Everything I've shared on this blog is from my heart and I stand behind every word. Actions speak louder than words, so when a spouse's actions say they no longer want to work on the relationship, it's time to move on. Time was given, counseling was offered, and forgiveness was unconditional.

I didn't give up....I had to save myself.

To be continued...

Short-end of the Stick

Daddy told me years ago that the woman gets the short end of the stick in the average marriage. While the man gets married and gains a helper, the woman becomes his helper. She too, should gain a helper if the marriage is any kind of partnership, yet if bound by husband / wife roles, she definitely gets the short end of the stick.

I've been conditioned / programmed by religion to believe in the old school roles of husband and wife. Well, no more. There's a new wife in town and she's got a few words to say...

Through the Fire

 
I thought quite a bit about a certain someone yesterday. After seeing her pretty face in my mind several times, I finally caught the clue to pray for her. She’s getting married soon, so I prayed for any last minute preparations she had going on. I don’t think anyone knows the real deal about marriage unless someone tells them. Most of us found out on our own after we made our vows before God and a few witnesses. Well, you know me. I’ll tell you the real deal plus some!

Marriage is a beautiful union between two people who really don’t know each other, but love each other so much they are willing to go through the fire of love to get to know each other after saying, “I do.” Of course that definition didn’t come until after I had been married a few years. I’ve shared my marriage on several occasions through these meditations, so it’s no secret that my marriage has spent a lot of time in the fire. I prayed for this certain someone more than once and at midnight thirty last night, she was on my mind again; so I prayed again.  This time, I didn’t pray for last minute wedding preparations, but that God would prepare her mind, her body, and her soul for her walk through the fire of love.

As I write this, Chaka Khan’s song, Through the Fire chorus lyrics come to mind…Through the fire, to the limit, to the wall. For a chance to be with you I'd gladly risk it all. Through the fire, through whatever, come what may. For a chance at loving you, I'd take it all the way. Right down to the wire. Even through the fire. Beautiful, isn’t it? Marriage is beautiful also as long as we realize it’s required to go THROUGH the fire. There is no walking around it, jumping over it, or avoiding it. A marriage must go through the fire for love to be tested and tried.

As always, I remind women that my words on marriage exclude relationships involving mental, verbal, or physical abuse. Don’t go through the fire, get out of the fire! Run!

Have a marvelous week, and stay covered (in prayer) as you go through your fire of love.

Respect Yourself

I'm completely confused at the number of women I know who stay in marriages where they don't feel loved and aren't respected. Some are being controlled and think they're doing the right thing by "obeying" and following orders from the "head" of their household.

What happened to self worth and self respect? Why do women feel they have to stay in these marriages? Is it because they fear being alone? Because of the children? Lack of finances to leave the marriage? Maybe it's fear - fear of leaving a comfortable lifestyle.

A woman should never forget that not only is she a human being, but she is a human being who deserves to be respected. We may not be able to make another person appreciate us, but maybe if a woman appreciated herself FIRST, others would learn to appreciate her. Think about it..another person will only disrespect you if you allow them to.

Respect yourself enough to stand up for yourself! 

What a Wife Isn't...

Ladies, don't get it twisted. Being a wife doesn't mean being a slave. Being a helpmate, helpmeet, or however you want to say it doesn't mean being at your husband's beckoned call. Serving him doesn't mean washing and ironing his clothes, cooking his dinner, washing the bathtub behind him, or cleaning the toilet behind him. Submission doesn't mean taking orders. You too, should receive the very things you give. Marriage is about serving each other, respecting each other, honoring each other, LOVING each other. A one-sided marriage is not balanced. Both spouses must be married and committed to the union...not just one spouse.

LOVE DOESN'T HURT

 Television will edit shows to allow viewers to see only what they want us to see and hear, but last night while watching The Amazing Race, I saw something that disturbed me. One married couple made it to the final three and on the final leg of the race; the husband belittled and degraded his wife’s performance. She busted her butt to help get them to the finals; however, she did not meet his high expectations of being a winner.

She mentioned that he expects her to be the perfect woman. While she sniffled and apologized for her performance, I waited for him to apologize for his verbal abuse, but that part must have been edited out. All I heard him say was, “It’s okay.” Another part that must have been edited was her response to his ugly words; her lips never parted to correct him – never. Ladies, we are daughters of a King, which makes us royalty. Those of us who are married, we are  gifts to our groom.

Our body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and we weren’t created to allow verbal, mental, emotional, or physical abuse to or against our temple. LOVE DOESN’T HURT. For various reasons, the holidays increase all types of abuse, so please be aware of this. The couple from The Amazing Race was in a stressful situation and of course tempers flare and we act out of character (or maybe true character) during stressful times, but there is no excuse or validation for repeated abuse.

I speak boldly about this because I’ve been there. I’ve been verbally, mentally, and even physically abused. I allowed a live-in boyfriend to repeatedly beat me. I went to another woman for counsel and she told me to stand by my man. Really? I know better now – LOVE DOESN’T HURT. Ladies, love yourself enough to protect your temple from abuse. If you need help, seek wise counsel. LOVE DOESN’T HURT.

The divorce rate wouldn't be so high if marriage had an expiration date. Limited time would probably make us

love more and love harder...just a thought!

Know Your Value