Television will edit shows to allow viewers to see only what they want us to see and hear, but last night while watching The Amazing Race, I saw something that disturbed me. One married couple made it to the final three and on the final leg of the race; the husband belittled and degraded his wife’s performance. She busted her butt to help get them to the finals; however, she did not meet his high expectations of being a winner.

She mentioned that he expects her to be the perfect woman. While she sniffled and apologized for her performance, I waited for him to apologize for his verbal abuse, but that part must have been edited out. All I heard him say was, “It’s okay.” Another part that must have been edited was her response to his ugly words; her lips never parted to correct him – never. Ladies, we are daughters of a King, which makes us royalty. Those of us who are married, we are  gifts to our groom.

Our body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and we weren’t created to allow verbal, mental, emotional, or physical abuse to or against our temple. LOVE DOESN’T HURT. For various reasons, the holidays increase all types of abuse, so please be aware of this. The couple from The Amazing Race was in a stressful situation and of course tempers flare and we act out of character (or maybe true character) during stressful times, but there is no excuse or validation for repeated abuse.

I speak boldly about this because I’ve been there. I’ve been verbally, mentally, and even physically abused. I allowed a live-in boyfriend to repeatedly beat me. I went to another woman for counsel and she told me to stand by my man. Really? I know better now – LOVE DOESN’T HURT. Ladies, love yourself enough to protect your temple from abuse. If you need help, seek wise counsel. LOVE DOESN’T HURT.

The divorce rate wouldn't be so high if marriage had an expiration date. Limited time would probably make us
love more and love harder...just a thought!

You Don't Control Me!

I’ve been assisting a gentleman get a program off the ground and he’s a little bossy. I think he forgets that I’m not his employee; I volunteered to help him. I don’t like being told what to do – at all. Anyway, I had to put this Mister in his place. You don’t tell me what to do; you ask me.  Who does he think he is – Mr. Control? I’m sure it’s just his nature, but it doesn’t mesh with my nature at all; I have my own control issues.
I know wives with controlling husbands or married to a man who has taken the “leader” position to an ungodly level. No woman should be afraid to stand up or speak up for herself. No wife should be afraid to spend money or come and go as she pleases – within reason, of course. 
I understand we need someone to be accountable to in marriage, but who is the man being accountable to for his spending and his going and coming?  I’m just asking! My attitude is justified. I’m aware of too many unhappy wives who are being submissive to raggedy husbands – husbands who are verbally or mentally abusive, controlling, and some are cheating. Let’s not even speak of physical abuse – no excuse for it at all. My attitude is probably why I’ve had issues in my own marriage. Only God controls me. 
Some of you may not agree and that’s fine; but I make no apologies for speaking up when something just doesn’t seem right, and control in marriage IS NOT RIGHT. There is a way to treat and speak to a woman. We are precious jewels – daughters of a King, and we deserve to be treated and talked to as such. I’m sorry, Mister, but you don’t control me…my God does! Maybe this is the root of the problem with submission. If husbands were led by God, wives would gladly follow!

Fixing What's Broken

Unless the light bulb is cracked and can't fix a broken light bulb!

It's Not About You

When you get married, it's no longer about you - about your needs - about your happiness, but it's about your spouse. Putting your spouse's needs before your own is just one small factor to a successful marriage.

Short-Lived Marriages

In marriage days of old, couples stayed married regardless of what was going on. The fifty, sixty, and even seventy year wedding anniversaries will be few and far between with the present generations. Divorce is so frequent. Women these days put up with very little. When they've reached their limit, they're gone. No more years of forgiveness for unfaithfulness.

 Back in the day, the couple would just sleep in separate beds or even separate rooms and call it a night. Funny how things change, but it's a reality how people change. As the people change, circumstances change and because many of us don't like change, the divorce card is played. Waaay too easy!

Long lasting or short-lived, the concept of marriage has changed with the changing world, however, keep your marriage sacred and set apart from the opinions of society. If you choose to stay, stay. It's really no one's business! If you choose to leave,'re the one that has to deal with what no one sees behind closed doors.

After all, a closed door doesn't mean it's locked. 

Our First Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day!

I recalled my first Valentine's Day as a married woman...

On our first Valentine’s Day, hubby walked out the house and came home with a little cheap teddy bear in a tiny, dusty flower pot with an artificial rose attached to it. I remember this like it happened yesterday, and I also remember throwing that mess in the trash can as soon as he handed it to me. Did he really think his last minute, gas station gift would please me? I couldn’t believe it. We haven’t celebrated Valentine’s Day since that day and this month we are celebrating our nineteenth wedding anniversary. Did I react too harshly? I could have acted like I was grateful, but the truth sets me free.   

Over the years, hubby and I have had many discussions about love and Valentine’s Day. Love isn’t a gift, a card, or flowers, but love is hard work, sweat, and tears. Love is forgiving and acceptance. Our marriage has endured some difficult times and has been on the verge of divorce. Our marriage reminds me of the long process a diamond goes through before it is considered authentic. Marriage also goes through a long process, but many of us bail when the process begins to hurt. Marriages have to go through some fire! Hubby and I not only went through the fire, we’ve gone through hell, but we’re still standing. Love conquers ALL…love endures ALL.  I often go around the house singing Foreigner’s song, “I want to know what love is.” The truth is, God is the only one who can show me what love is and if I don’t have God in my heart, I will never be able to show love to others – not even to the man I vowed to love all my life – my hubby – my Valentine.

 With today being Valentine's Day, I think I may have been bitten by the love bug because I'm cooking a special meal for hubby and my two sons. I'm strangely excited about this special dinner especially since cooking is not my forte'.  I'm sure the family will be pleased since everyone enjoys a little special treatment every now and then.

Happy Valentine's Day to you, and don’t look to receive, but look for opportunities to give... today and every day  – give love!

REAL love

Showing LOVE is probably the most difficult thing for anyone to do. It's so easy to recognize faults and shortcomings. 

I don't believe there is such a thing as real love, it's either love or it isn't.

Worth the Fight?

Everything your marriage comes against that is designed to tear you apart is what makes your marriage strong! 

Marriage really isn't marriage until you've gone through some things to test the love; it's easy to love in good times!

ENDURE the rough roads, rocky mountains, stormy weather, and uncomfortable situations. 

No one said it would be easy, but it's worth the fight!

Do You Have to Wear That?

Have you ever wanted to tell your spouse to change their clothes? Hubby has a pair of old work sweats that he decided to wear on New Year's Day. I refused to look at them all day, so I asked him as nicely as I could to change his clothes.    Read how I handled it here.