Am I A Punk?

I spoke with a gentleman recently who said he felt like a punk for staying in his marriage. He is a good husband and takes good care of his wife and family, yet feels his kindness is mistaken for weakness. His wife has never expressed this and only appreciates her husband's efforts.

Ego and pride can destroy any relationship.

HUMILITY is the key.

I believe this gentlemen is experiencing what meekness or humility is without knowing the meaning of the word. Yes, humility can make you feel like a punk if you don't understand it, but thinking less of yourself and putting your spouse's needs before your own shows great character. Many are not able to show humility in marriage and have a 'what about me' attitude. As crazy as it sounds, when we put the needs of others first, the return may take a while, but the rewards are more than amazing.

Showing humility is important when it comes to spiritual warfare in marriage. It makes a huge difference in our reaction and actions towards our spouse. Humility is another form of forfeiting the last word. Humility is servant-hood. Humility invites personal growth and growth in marriage. If you're feeling like a punk, you may be showing humility.

Forfeit The Last Word

 We can prevent many of our marriage battles if we prevent the battles in our mind first. A simple word or thoughtless act can trigger unnecessary retaliation. Oftentimes, a simple situation will settle itself in silence. Not vindictive silence, but silence allowing our spouse to process what he/she said and silence allowing ourselves to realize that we don't need to comment on everything. Every comment doesn't need a response.

When something is done or said that we don't like, our first thought is usually to defend ourselves or to share our point of view. If you've never tried it before, try saying absolutely nothing if a question is not asked. This is where the battle begins - self control and mind control. It's a battle to keep quiet - for some of us.

"No way will she/he get away with this!" "Who does she/he think they are?" ""Excuse me?" "No one is going to treat me this way!" "I deserve better."  These are just a few of the internal mind battles that quickly cross our mind before we open lips and discharge fighting words.

From my own experience of wanting the last word because I KNOW I'm right, not responding has worked like a charm for me. Kevin and I would battle over some of the most trivial issues.Our prideful personalities would get in the way and before we new it, we were in battle. Now, I control and conquer the battle in my mind FIRST - this is also spiritual warfare. Sometimes my mind will say be silent, but my loose lips will want to run away with hurtful words. This takes practice - a lot of practice if you have loose lips topped with a hot temper, BUT it can be done! I'm a witness.

So, why not try this if you haven't already. If you do and fail, I'm sure you'll have another opportunity. You may be surprised at your spouse's reaction to your silence. Remember, this isn't a vindictive silence, but a silence of humility to forfeit the last word.

To be continued

Anonymous Email

LaVender, I can't tell you how much I miss my husband and my marriage. Marriage is sacred and when we allow the enemy to come in a little bit he takes over.

I prayed and asked God to deliver me and he did.When I was home I felt as if I was going to die staying in that house. The sleepless nights, being awaken out of my sleep having to fight with a spouse on drugs.  I almost lost my life but I continued to pray and ask the Lord to deliver me from the hand of the enemy, not knowing that sometimes the enemy can be right in the same bed with you.
I thank God for sending me through all that I went through because it was all for his Glory. LaVender I thank God for you and Kevin. Just seeing what you are going through makes me know that some how some way I will make it to the other side. I'm praying that the Lord will bless me with the man that is prepared for me so that I may be his help mate and love him as Christ has loved the Church.

Pray for me as I Pray for you. May God Bless You and Keep you is my prayer.
Anonymous Reader

The above email was much longer, but I chose (with permission) to share only a small part which pertains to spiritual warfare in marriage. I highlighted one sentence in particular. We often invite the enemy in our home without realizing it and before you know it, he has set up camp in our home and made himself comfortable in our marriage. How do we invite him? Unforgiveness, pride, selfishness, lies, deceit, bad choices, emotional affairs, and ugly thoughts are just a few personal invites. We allow ourselves to assist in the destruction of our own marriage through our actions. 

The spiritual warfare begins in us before it shows up in our marriage.
To be continued...
This anonymous reader chose to leave her marriage. Abuse of no form is not up for discussion on this blog.