I Can't Stand My Husband

A woman said this to me recently and I have to admit this same thought has crossed my mind in my earlier years of marriage. How in the world does a handsome, fun-loving man turn into an ugly stick in the mud? LOL

I have to laugh at this because this thought is common among many wives. It may not be a feeling that remains in our hearts and minds, but the thought pops in and out from time to time.

What causes such disturbed thoughts? Probably disturbed actions towards each other, unspoken and unresolved conflicts, hurt feelings, unmet needs, no quality time, becoming a low priority (low on the food chain), and a few other relationship woes. Trust me, there is a rainbow at the end of the tunnel, but please remember rainbows aren't visible without rain.

It will probably take YOU to seek and find the rainbow. I know, I know, why do you have to be the peacemaker? As a selfish and stubborn person myself, I can't stand living in strife and tension for days and days. Good grief, talk about this mess and move on! We can either learn to be humble and allow God to empower us to get over Self or we can be miserable.

I've been there before (many times) and it's not worth the 'unhappily' moments between you and your spouse. As Nike says, Just Do It. Show some simple acts of kindness, plan a date night, express your feelings (in the right tone), PRAY, PRAY, and PRAY.

If you believe God brought you together, make it happen and enjoy being TOGETHER not separate! God doesn't change his mind, people do.

It's Hard

Yes, marriage is hard and if we knew what we were getting into, there would be very few marriages.

For those of you new to marriage, I'm glad you found your way here. Sometimes it's hard to find someone to talk to about your marital issues and it's even more difficult to find someone who will not judge you for what you're feeling. The early years are difficult as you find out things you didn't have a clue about (smile). Trust me - it gets better.

Each year of our marriage was a learning experience. First, I had to learn what love really was, then I had to learn forgiveness, then patience, then compassion, then humility, then I had to retake each of these relationship classes again as I went through a different storm. It never ends, but we get a little stronger as we endure each storm. Our character is formed, our faith gets stronger, our love for one another grows deeper, and on and on and on.... I have to be honest and say there have been times I've felt like giving up the fight and other times I just knew I married the wrong person, but I'm still here - living happily in my 'unhappily' moments.

I've obtained two pieces of valuable advice that I continually use in my marriage. One is from my pastor - "The only way you lose is if you give up" and the other is from my father - "Don't take it personal."

We sometimes forget our spouse's emotions and comments are not always about us. They have personal battles and daily issues that don't concern us. Baggage from childhood and a life before we married them is brought into the marriage and we must learn to accept this. Everything is not about us although at times it feels things are being taken out on us! Unfortunately, a spouse is often a scapegoat.

Giving up is definitely the only way we can lose at marriage. Throwing our hands in the air is so easy, but I can honestly say, I'm glad I stayed in the battle. I'm glad I endured the tough times when I THOUGHT I wanted my freedom. I THOUGHT I could do bad by myself, but when the storms pass, they are forgotten - at least until the next one comes (lol).

Instead of throwing my hands in the air to give up, I keep them in the air to praise, which confuses the HECK out of the enemy!

Marriage really is a wonderful thing. Yes, it's hard, but we're here to offer hope.

Giving Without Return

We hear over and over that marriage is about give and take, but I believe it's about giving, giving, and giving some more.

This doesn't mean you won't receive anything in return, but to look for a return is a set up for disappointment. Showing affection, giving gifts, acts of kindness, and words of affirmation should be offered with the true spirit of giving, which means not looking for anything in return.

Is this difficult? Of course it is. Will you feel used? Well, yea if you're looking for something in return, but I believe with all my heart that you reap what you sow.

Think about this...a woman has a baby and finds complete joy in giving this baby everything he or she needs knowing the baby can't do a thing for her in return. She knows she will be exhausted at the end of the day, yet continues to give, and give, and give.

Now, this same woman gets married but something happens to her spirit of giving without return. Is it because the baby is helpless or is it the woman's mindset of giving? Is the woman's spirit of giving conditional or does she have a right to 'expect' a return in her marriage?

Hmmm...just something to think about.