Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from us!  Our eyes are half shut, but we see great things in 2012! May your marriage be RICHLY blessed!

Speak My Love Language!

Do you know your spouse's love language?

 I've shared the Five Love Languages in a previous post and it's worth sharing again.
Hubby and I are facilitating a class titled, The Five Love Languages, and it's been a lot of fun. The other couple facilitating the class with us are genuine and open, which makes a difference in how the class is received.

So, back to my original question. Do you know your spouse's love language? Knowing it can change your marriage! We often speak a language comfortable to us or speak our own language, not realizing we may be neglecting our spouse's love language.

  • Love Language #1 - Words of Affirmation
  • Love Language #2 - Quality Time
  • Love Language #3 - Receiving Gifts
  • Love Language #4 - Acts of Service
  • Love Language #5 - Physical Touch
In the upcoming weeks, I'll share a little about each love language.  To read more about the Five Love Languages and to take an assessment to learn your love language, click here

Ditch The Dream

The following is an excerpt from my first book, "We Snap in Silence"

"My unexpected expectations of my husband took me to a pool of dissatisfaction and I began to ask the question, "What happened?" Not only were these expectation unfair to him, they were damaging our marriage. I began planning my dream wedding when I was in high school by purchasing brides books and imagining exactly what my wedding dress would be like. Little emphasis were put on my marriage because all my attention was on the wedding ceremony. I had a dream and expected my husband to help make my dream come true. He didn't have a chance! I set him up for failure from the very beginning. When I shared my feelings of discontent with him, he was confused."

Expectations deliver one thing - disappointment.
Don't place expectations on your spouse!
Marriage isn't what I make it, but what it makes me. Marriage molds two people into one through the trials, challenges, and storms of life. The more severe the storm, the stronger we stand.

Don't bail out, but pray to endure! Just when you're about to throw in the towel, the sun will peek through the dark clouds offering a ray of hope. Only the strong survive in marriage.

Help Me Be A Helpmate

Shared from my Mom's Peace Bites Blog

Hubby hugged me and held me tightly – longer than usual. I went away for the weekend – only the weekend. Hubby’s hug only confirmed what my father recently said to me, “your husband needs you.” Daddy’s wisdom and God’s grace has kept me in my marriage because there are many days I don’t feel like being married. Daddy went on to explain how men try to run the household, but it’s really the women. A man may never admit to needing his wife, but they do. It’s not about the physical help (cooking and sex) as much as it is the emotional help. The weight of being the leader in the home with the responsibility of financially providing for others is a weight many wives will never comprehend. Single mothers can definitely relate, but the married ones take it for granted mainly because we help with the providing – I take it for granted. It somewhat bruises a man’s ego to know he needs help from a woman and men are full of ego. 

Husbands need words of affirmation even when they aren’t stepping up to the plate like we think they should. Our help is what helps them step up, but our complaining and judging kills their manly spirit. I know my hubby needs me and the hug only reminded me, but can I get some of that help? Yes, that was my first thought, but of course God instructed me to lean on Him just a little more as a wife. I’m called to be a help mate, yet can barely help myself, but God is my helper! Thank you, Jesus! This morning when I heard hubby’s alarm clock, I saturated him in prayer and also asked God to empower me as a helpmate. Hubby needs my encouragement and support – again and again. Hubby needs my help – hubby needs me.

Are Women Equal to Men?

I always knew this, but it actually came out of his mouth.  My husband doesn't believe men and women are equal because man was created first. Oh. my. goodness.

Honey, I knew you were old school, but this is back in the woods NO school thinking. Sigh....God help me.

My response to hubby? I simply said, "Goodnight Irene."
"Marriage is like going to a dance. Ask your partner to dance even if you don't like the current song playing."  me


I appreciate my husband going to work everyday - really, I do.

I use to homeschool our two sons, but they are both in school now and I am still at home. I'm sure hubby thinks I cook and clean all day, but I don't. I'm a writer, so I try to spend a few hours reading and writing everyday.  I refuse to cook and clean all day, but sometimes that's how the day goes. There is always something to do. 

Kevin gets a hot meal when he leaves the house every morning and a hot meal when he returns home - except on Fridays unless I just feel like cooking, which is rare. The least I can do for my working husband is feed him, right?

Kevin says he acknowledges what I do in the home as work, but he sure reminds me that he "WORKS" every day.  He actually puts emphasis on the word "work." Okay, so what exactly are you trying to imply? That I don't work? Just because I don't leave the house and interact with co-workers and customers doesn't mean I don't work.

Today, I wasn't going to "work."  I was going to relax with the boys and just enjoy the day. You know, take it easy. Before Kevin left for work this morning, he points out two bills that need to be paid. He's old school, so few bills are paid online, which means I have to leave the house, use unnecessary gas, and pay the bills in person. Good grief! Are you trying to make me "work?"

He also adds that I can go grocery shopping, but not to spend too much money. What? Today? Well, there goes my relaxing day! Sometimes I wonder if he finds things for me to do because he wants me to "work."

Regardless of what hubby thinks, I really do appreciate him getting up and going to work everyday.  Men take pride in providing for their family and I especially take pride in hubby providing for us because I can stay at home and "work." 

Speaking of "work," I guess I need to get up off my butt and get to "work." The boss left a list of things to do.  A woman's "work" is never done.

Sigh...hen is my day off!


I attended my 30 year high school class reunion and not only did I see the faces of classmates I had not seen in years, I saw the face of temptation...

Read more here

Stick around for the rainbow

More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse. ~Doug Larson

I find this quote full of truth. Many marriages want to call it quits during difficult times. When the boat begins to rock, we want to bail, but there is always sunshine after the rain. It's walking through the storm that is the difficult part. We're afraid of the thunder or afraid we might get struck by a lighting bolt to our pride or to the heart.

Instead of allowing the storm to strengthen us, we seek shelter from it. We hide. We run away.

It's easier said than done, yes, but I've been there, done that, and have a few t-shirts!

Birthday Blessings

Hubby came through with flying colors on my birthday. Being a writer, you'd think I'd have the latest and greatest equipment and programs to do what I do best, but I don't. I'm old fashioned and still use a pen and a pad of paper to write. I still use an old program of Word and Outlook. Funny huh? Well, hubby hooked me up for my birthday. He even purchased a few of my favorite things. It's good to know that your spouse knows what you like and what you need. It shows they are paying attention to the little things that bring you joy.

I admit, I'm not an easy person to shop for. Hmph...I'm not an easy person to do anything for! So, for hubby to bless me the way he did, he gets brownie points for the rest of the year.  The longer we're married, the more we get to know each other and understand one another. We THOUGHT we knew each other when we said, I Do, but it takes years to merge into a oneness.

For those of you who are left wondering on birthdays and anniversaries, I've been there, done that, and have the t-shirt. It gets better over time, so hang in there and I choose to believe the spouse is doing the best they can!

Updating My Marriage!

If my frequency to write on this site is any indication to how I treat my marriage, I'm headed for destruction. It's been a while since I posted here...LIFE happens. The family gets busy and I get distracted, so certain things are put on the back burner.

I tend to treat my marriage the same way - placing it on the back burner until I remember..."Oh! my husband needs some attention; he's supposed to be first!" Oops... As I mentioned, LIFE happens and the family gets busy, but keeping marriage a priority is so crucial. This weekend, I'll have to do a few special things to let hubby know he's still number one. Whether I feel like doing anything or not, letting time go by without nurturing your spouse takes a toll on the marriage.

Just as I've neglected this site, my husband has been neglected also. Do I feel neglected? LOL! Of course I do, but I must do MY part. Remember, how our spouse treats us is not our business. That's between them and God. I must do MY part and be accountable for my own actions! It doesn't matter if the spouse is understanding or not and it doesn't matter if they are guilty of this also. Every spouse wants to feel validated, feel special, and know they are number one!

I feel better knowing I've updated this site, so I KNOW I'll feel better updating my marriage! It's time for renewal!

Be good to your spouse!

Behind The Scenes

Me: "Good Morning, my priest, provider, and protector!"

Kevin: "Good Morning, my queen, meal maker, clothes cleaner, and housekeeper."


Me: "Can I put this on our blog?"

Kevin: Laughs

You see what I deal with? Kevin sure better thank God that I know Jesus, that I KNOW my role in the home and in our marriage, and especially that I have a sense of humor!  His old school ways will drive a woman away!

I later called him at work to tell him I loved him. Below is our conversation...

Me: "Hey there, how is your day going?"

Kevin: "Hot!"

Me: "Oh, I'm sorry. Well, I just called to say I love you."

Kevin: "I love you too. What are you doing?"

Me: "Getting dinner ready."

Kevin: "Oh, you're being my meal maker?"

Me: "Yeah, now get back to work, Provider!"

The conversation ended in laughter and I HAD to write about it....release...release...release...

Let Me Help You

When hubby and the boys asks me what I want for Mother's day, I usually say the motherly correct answers such as, "being your mother is the only gift I need" or "Nothing, I have everything I could ever want or need" or "Love, Peace, and Happiness"
 This Mother's Day was different. I made a list of specific things I wanted. It wasn't a long list, but just a few of my favorite things: sushi, chocolate ice cream, Chunkie Chips, control of the television remote, and to be left alone.

I received everything on my list and it was the best Mother's Day I ever had. Hmmm...I guess I need to help them out more often instead of hoping they'll think of things I enjoy or hoping they'll do anything at all. Believe me, I've had Mother's Day celebrations where I ended up in the kitchen cooking. I'm not a big fan of Mother's Day anyway, but who doesn't want to be validated? If mothers only have one day out of the year, good grief get it right!

Hubby was happy yesterday also because I was happy. He didn't stress the big day and as a matter of fact, he went overboard and purchased a few other snacks to make my day special. I couldn't eat everything, but I sure tried. I enjoy food instead of flowers....take me to dinner instead of a move!

This morning, Kevin mentioned that Mother's Day is the only day I can make a list. birthday is next month, so I guess he caught a clue. Too funny! All these years I expected him to make those special days special and all those years, he needed a little help from his HELPMATE. Some men are good at it and some need a little help. My hubby needed a little help.

YOUR Royal Wedding

Let the royal wedding be a reminder that your 
wedding day and your vows are royal before God.

I'm Leaving!

I always joke (I think I'm joking) with hubby about leaving him when the boys leave for college. Once the boys graduate, I won't have to cook or clean as much. FREEDOM! Hubby and I can do our own thing and go our separate ways.  Well, I recently reminded hubby of this thought while at my parent's home this weekend and guess what hubby did? He immediately ran and told my parents like they would rescue him or something. It was hilarious! I pictured a little boy running to tell that his friend said a bad word. Are you serious?

I'm not sure what my parents told him, but I heard a lot of laughter. Hubby later told me he couldn't believe I would leave him in the cold. I let him know I would wait until the summer months if that would help him. LOL!
Humor in a marriage is medicinal for me. If I take it too seriously all the time, I don't think I would be here.

I Don't Have a Husband Anymore

Yes, I still have a husband.

I actually had someone tell me she didn't feel she has a husband anymore because he was so disconnected. You would never know it to look at them because they are usually always together, yet there is little to no conversation. They've been this way for a few years, but her only desire is to renew her marriage. I think this is so beautiful because after a year of no conversation, the 'D' word would have come out of my mouth.

Love, commitment, patience, understanding, long suffering, acceptance, humility and a few other powerful love qualities are definitely necessary to withstand trying times in a marriage - even if the storm lasts for more than you think you can tolerate. You never know until you've been there!

This woman waiting and wanting restoration in her marriage is an amazing example of what marriage is about. Not knowing much about her husband besides the one-sided story I heard from her, everyone deserves another chance...or do they? Does it depend on the situation? If so, would that be called conditional love? I believe they've been married for over 20 years, so they've already experienced their share of storms. This is also proof of the various seasons marriages go through as we age together. Aging brings on another set of issues to deal with - adult children, frequency of sex or lack of, menopause, and even the mid-life crisis some men experience. 

Whatever the case, be still in your storm. It HAS to pass! Have you ever known a storm to last forever? The storm may tear up a few things and scare the heck out of you, but after it passes and clean up is done, you hardly know a storm came through!

Be encouraged!

Not Tonight, Honey

Although's true. As much as men enjoy sex, some lose interest.

Below is an article from Focus on the Family

When Your Husband Isn't Interested in Sex

Hostile Husbands

Excerpt from Fascinating Womanhood

"When a marriage has had real problems and then the wife makes a devoted effort to improve it by applying the principles of Fascinating Womanhood, it can cause a peculiar reaction in her husband which I call Pandora's Box. In this case, when Fascinating Womanhood is applied, instead of the man being loving and tender, he may become violent and pour out resentments and hostile feeling towards his wife.

It is important for the wife to understand the change which is taking place within the man, which cause this violent outburst. I can explain it in this way: If a man's marriage has been "shaky, " he may have suppressed resentful feelings towards his wife in order to hold his marriage together. When she has made mistakes which have hurt him or disappointed him, instead of expressing these troubled feelings, he may have felt it necessary to suppress them in order to avoid further marriage problems or even a marriage failure. This is not to say that he acted wisely, but only to say that he did so out of what he felt was a necessity."

My thoughts...
I found the above excerpt to be very true in my own marriage. When I decided to make changes years ago, it was like hubby was saying, "The nerve of you!" I had to simply understand that just because I changed didn't mean he was expected to receive it on MY time. Of course, he eventually came around and realized the change was real and our marriage could benefit. He even made changes of his own. These things take time and a lot of patience and understanding. If your marriage has been rocky for a number of years, it is highly unlikely it will change over night.

Six Characteristics of Men

 Excerpt from Fascinating Womanhood

Six Characteristics of Men
  1. His need to be accepted at face value
  2. His need for admiration
  3. His sensitive masculine pride
  4. His need for sympathetic understanding
  5. His need to be No. 1
  6. His need to serve as a guide, protector and provider to feel needed in this role, and to excel women in doing so

Accepting Your Husband

Excerpt from "Fascinating Womanhood":

Rules for Acceptance

1. Get rid of self righteous attitude

2. Accept him as part virtue, part fault

3.Give him his freedom to be himself

4. Don't try to change him

5. Don't use other men as shining examples.

6. Look to his better side.

7. Express your acceptance with words.

Can You Change Your Husband?

Fascinating Womanhood Excerpt: 

Why do Women Try to Change Men?

1. For Her Own Good.
His faults bring problems and deprivation int her life, robbing her of some of the things she really wants.

2. For His Own Good.
Many well meaning women will say, "If you really love and care about someone, it is important to see that they get the best out of life. Therefore, I must change my husband for his own good."

There are four reasons why women should not try to change men.
1. It creates marriage problems.
2. It can destroy love.
3. It can cause a man to rebel.
4. It doesn't work.

Hubby says I changed him a lot when we met. He SAYS I started dressing him like a nerd. Excuse me? He was already dressing like a homeless nerd, so I HAD to help him out! I also gave him a little culture like exposing him to plays and musicals and other things to do on dates besides dinner and a movie. Well, you may not be able to change a man, but you can sure give him some training!

More on Fascinating Womanhood to come...


Accepting Your Husband

Excerpt from Fascinating Womanhood:

What Does Acceptance Mean?

Acceptance means that we accept him for the man he is. We accept his ways, his hopes and dreams or his lack of dreams. We accept his ideas, his interests and his weaknesses. We accept the little quirks in his personality, his religious views, and his political views and any traits he may have, for better or for worse. We are doing more than accepting him - we are accepting his right to be himself. We may not agree with his ideas, but we respect his right to his own viewpoint. We may notice his weaknesses, but we accept this as normal in a human being. We accept him as he is and look to his better side.

Acceptance does not mean tolerance, or "putting up with him': nor does it mean dishonesty - that we must convince ourselves he is perfect when he is not. Nor does it mean resignation. Acceptance is a happy state of mind when we realize that our responsibility is not in making him over, but in appreciating him for what he is.

To be continued....

For more on "Fascinating Womanhood" click here

What a Man Wants

I'm revisiting the book, "Fascinating Womanhood" by Helen Andelin. The book was written in 1963, so of course it has the old fashioned values of marriage, but values really haven't changed - people have. The book shares 'inspirational feminine secrets that can save your marriage and enrich your life'.

I'll be sharing a few excerpts from the book as I read it. It's that good! Everyone can improve their marriage and since mine is on a high right now, I'd like to keep it there for a while. 

Fascinating Womanhood Excerpt:

"The ideal woman from a man's point of view is divided into two parts. The one part is her spiritual qualifications. We will call this side of her the Angelic. The other part relates to her human characteristics. We will call this side of her the Human. The Angelic side of a woman has to do with her basic good character, her ability to understand men, their feelings, needs, and sensitive nature. It also includes her domestic skills and the ability to succeed in her feminine role in the home. It includes a quality of inner happiness or tranquility of spirit which is a part of womanly beauty.
The Human side refers to a woman's appearance, manner, and actions and includes the charms of femininity, radiance, and a quality of dependence upon men for their care, protection, and guidance. It also includes good health and a feminine dignity of spirit or spunk. The Angelic and the Human combine  to make the perfect woman from the man's point of view. They are both essential in winning his genuine love."

To be continued...

The Definition of Marriage

Marriage is the process by which two people who love each other make their relationship public, official, and permanent. It is the joining of two people in a bond that putatively lasts until death, but in practice is increasingly cut short by divorce. Of course, over the course of a relationship that can last as many as seven or eight decades, a lot happens. Personalities change, bodies age, and romantic love waxes and wanes. And no marriage is free of conflict. What enables a couple to endure is how they handle that conflict. So how do you manage the problems that inevitably arise? And how can you keep the spark alive?

Source: Psychology Today

Happy Valentine's Day to you!

I know this is a very special day to many of you, so I hope your day is full of love and joy!
Don't measure a couple by the fun things you see them do, 
but by how they stand after they've gone through.

Pornography - Can it help? Can it hurt?

 I personally believe pornography hurts marriages, and I realize I'm probably in the minority regarding this issue. Below are some pros and cons of pornography in marriage.

Pornography in Marriage

 Cons - Reasons People Believe Pornography Hurts Marriages

  • Guilt, mistrust, and anger about pornography can tear your marriage apart.
  • Turning to pornography may cause your spouse to withdraw from your relationship because he receives instant gratification from his fantasies.
  • When your husband views porn you may feel disrespected, take it personally, and believe that you aren't enough for him. This can create a wedge in your marriage.
  • Pornography could make it difficult for your husband to see sex as a loving form of communication. As a result, pornography can decrease sexual satisfaction within your marriage.

Pros -- Reasons People Believe Pornography Does Not Hurt Marriages

  • A wife may think, "How can he say he loves me and look at this smut?" Looking at a pretty woman doesn't mean a man doesn't enjoy making love to his wife. It is an entirely different part of their lives that is separate from their marriage.
  • Some sexual experts believe a sexual relationship can be enhanced when imagination is allowed to run free.
  • If your sexual intimacy with one another is not being replaced by your husband's porn viewing, then it should not be an issue in your marriage.
  • If your husband is viewing porn, it can only hurt you if you allow it to. If you aren't insecure and have a good self-image, your husband's porn use won't hurt you.

Talk With One Another About Pornography

Discussing this issue with trust and honesty without accusing one another is the first step in dealing with pornography. Sexual therapists suggest that partners not try to censor one another's thoughts or to force one another to view offensive material.
Whether or not pornography will add to or lessen a couple's sexual enjoyment is up to each couple.

Not Your Business

I heard the below statement on a marriage program yesterday and thought I'd share. 

It's not your business how your spouse treats you. 
This is between your spouse and God.
Your only business should be how you treat your spouse.

This is so true and I believe I've mentioned this more than once in some way or another. We spend a lot of time thinking about how we are treated when we should focus on our self and our own actions.

Q and A


My husband and I took some time off work and we reconnected as people in love during that time (lunch, a movie, laughter and conversation, etc.).   Married couples get to this place where the woman treats the man like one of her children (fussing, nagging, etc.) and the man treats the woman like one of his annoying co-workers. Why is that?!?

I don't claim to be a marriage expert, and this is just my opinion.
The longer I’m married, I realize our relationship is like an old t-shirt or a pair of sweats that are raggedy as @#!*% . We feel so comfortable in the old sweats or t-shirt and just can’t let it go. Nothing else in our closet makes us feel as comfortable, yet we wouldn’t dare wear it outside the house. As comfortable as the t-shirt is, there comes a time when you need to buy something new – keep the t-shirt, but buy a new one every now and then…just like marriage – keep the comfy feeling (no one else makes us feel this way), but sometimes we need to reNEW the relationship. 

Getting comfortable is actually a good thing in marriage if it's not abused. Think about it. How many people can you do what you do and look like you look with your spouse? We're able to let our guards down and simply be who we really are - without masks. The only problem with this comfy feeling is when we take advantage of our comfort space. Instead of showing our spouse how much we appreciate being comfortable with them and growing old together, we misuse our old sweats and forget to treat them as special as we would a new pair of sweats. 


Can You Do It?

Can you do it?

Are you strong enough?

Humble enough?

Can you be wrong even when you know you're right?

Stop fighting...give in...surrender!