Fascinating Womanhood Excerpt:
Why do Women Try to Change Men?
1. For Her Own Good.
His faults bring problems and deprivation int her life, robbing her of some of the things she really wants.
2. For His Own Good.
Many well meaning women will say, "If you really love and care about someone, it is important to see that they get the best out of life. Therefore, I must change my husband for his own good."
There are four reasons why women should not try to change men.
1. It creates marriage problems.
2. It can destroy love.
3. It can cause a man to rebel.
4. It doesn't work.
Hubby says I changed him a lot when we met. He SAYS I started dressing him like a nerd. Excuse me? He was already dressing like a homeless nerd, so I HAD to help him out! I also gave him a little culture like exposing him to plays and musicals and other things to do on dates besides dinner and a movie. Well, you may not be able to change a man, but you can sure give him some training!
More on Fascinating Womanhood to come...
Accepting Your Husband
Excerpt from Fascinating Womanhood:
What Does Acceptance Mean?
Acceptance means that we accept him for the man he is. We accept his ways, his hopes and dreams or his lack of dreams. We accept his ideas, his interests and his weaknesses. We accept the little quirks in his personality, his religious views, and his political views and any traits he may have, for better or for worse. We are doing more than accepting him - we are accepting his right to be himself. We may not agree with his ideas, but we respect his right to his own viewpoint. We may notice his weaknesses, but we accept this as normal in a human being. We accept him as he is and look to his better side.
Acceptance does not mean tolerance, or "putting up with him': nor does it mean dishonesty - that we must convince ourselves he is perfect when he is not. Nor does it mean resignation. Acceptance is a happy state of mind when we realize that our responsibility is not in making him over, but in appreciating him for what he is.
To be continued....
For more on "Fascinating Womanhood" click here
What Does Acceptance Mean?
Acceptance means that we accept him for the man he is. We accept his ways, his hopes and dreams or his lack of dreams. We accept his ideas, his interests and his weaknesses. We accept the little quirks in his personality, his religious views, and his political views and any traits he may have, for better or for worse. We are doing more than accepting him - we are accepting his right to be himself. We may not agree with his ideas, but we respect his right to his own viewpoint. We may notice his weaknesses, but we accept this as normal in a human being. We accept him as he is and look to his better side.
Acceptance does not mean tolerance, or "putting up with him': nor does it mean dishonesty - that we must convince ourselves he is perfect when he is not. Nor does it mean resignation. Acceptance is a happy state of mind when we realize that our responsibility is not in making him over, but in appreciating him for what he is.
To be continued....
For more on "Fascinating Womanhood" click here
What a Man Wants
I'm revisiting the book, "Fascinating Womanhood" by Helen Andelin. The book was written in 1963, so of course it has the old fashioned values of marriage, but values really haven't changed - people have. The book shares 'inspirational feminine secrets that can save your marriage and enrich your life'.
I'll be sharing a few excerpts from the book as I read it. It's that good! Everyone can improve their marriage and since mine is on a high right now, I'd like to keep it there for a while.
Fascinating Womanhood Excerpt:
"The ideal woman from a man's point of view is divided into two parts. The one part is her spiritual qualifications. We will call this side of her the Angelic. The other part relates to her human characteristics. We will call this side of her the Human. The Angelic side of a woman has to do with her basic good character, her ability to understand men, their feelings, needs, and sensitive nature. It also includes her domestic skills and the ability to succeed in her feminine role in the home. It includes a quality of inner happiness or tranquility of spirit which is a part of womanly beauty.
The Human side refers to a woman's appearance, manner, and actions and includes the charms of femininity, radiance, and a quality of dependence upon men for their care, protection, and guidance. It also includes good health and a feminine dignity of spirit or spunk. The Angelic and the Human combine to make the perfect woman from the man's point of view. They are both essential in winning his genuine love."
To be continued...
I'll be sharing a few excerpts from the book as I read it. It's that good! Everyone can improve their marriage and since mine is on a high right now, I'd like to keep it there for a while.
Fascinating Womanhood Excerpt:
"The ideal woman from a man's point of view is divided into two parts. The one part is her spiritual qualifications. We will call this side of her the Angelic. The other part relates to her human characteristics. We will call this side of her the Human. The Angelic side of a woman has to do with her basic good character, her ability to understand men, their feelings, needs, and sensitive nature. It also includes her domestic skills and the ability to succeed in her feminine role in the home. It includes a quality of inner happiness or tranquility of spirit which is a part of womanly beauty.
The Human side refers to a woman's appearance, manner, and actions and includes the charms of femininity, radiance, and a quality of dependence upon men for their care, protection, and guidance. It also includes good health and a feminine dignity of spirit or spunk. The Angelic and the Human combine to make the perfect woman from the man's point of view. They are both essential in winning his genuine love."
To be continued...
The Definition of Marriage
Marriage is the process by which two people who love each other make their relationship public, official, and permanent. It is the joining of two people in a bond that putatively lasts until death, but in practice is increasingly cut short by divorce. Of course, over the course of a relationship that can last as many as seven or eight decades, a lot happens. Personalities change, bodies age, and romantic love waxes and wanes. And no marriage is free of conflict. What enables a couple to endure is how they handle that conflict. So how do you manage the problems that inevitably arise? And how can you keep the spark alive?
Source: Psychology Today
Pornography - Can it help? Can it hurt?
I personally believe pornography hurts marriages, and I realize I'm probably in the minority regarding this issue. Below are some pros and cons of pornography in marriage.
Cons - Reasons People Believe Pornography Hurts Marriages
Pornography in Marriage
Cons - Reasons People Believe Pornography Hurts Marriages
- Guilt, mistrust, and anger about pornography can tear your marriage apart.
- Turning to pornography may cause your spouse to withdraw from your relationship because he receives instant gratification from his fantasies.
- When your husband views porn you may feel disrespected, take it personally, and believe that you aren't enough for him. This can create a wedge in your marriage.
- Pornography could make it difficult for your husband to see sex as a loving form of communication. As a result, pornography can decrease sexual satisfaction within your marriage.
Pros -- Reasons People Believe Pornography Does Not Hurt Marriages
- A wife may think, "How can he say he loves me and look at this smut?" Looking at a pretty woman doesn't mean a man doesn't enjoy making love to his wife. It is an entirely different part of their lives that is separate from their marriage.
- Some sexual experts believe a sexual relationship can be enhanced when imagination is allowed to run free.
- If your sexual intimacy with one another is not being replaced by your husband's porn viewing, then it should not be an issue in your marriage.
- If your husband is viewing porn, it can only hurt you if you allow it to. If you aren't insecure and have a good self-image, your husband's porn use won't hurt you.
Talk With One Another About Pornography
Discussing this issue with trust and honesty without accusing one another is the first step in dealing with pornography. Sexual therapists suggest that partners not try to censor one another's thoughts or to force one another to view offensive material.
Whether or not pornography will add to or lessen a couple's sexual enjoyment is up to each couple.
Not Your Business
I heard the below statement on a marriage program yesterday and thought I'd share.
It's not your business how your spouse treats you.
This is between your spouse and God.
This is between your spouse and God.
Your only business should be how you treat your spouse.
This is so true and I believe I've mentioned this more than once in some way or another. We spend a lot of time thinking about how we are treated when we should focus on our self and our own actions.
Q and A
Q
LaVender,My husband and I took some time off work and we reconnected as people in love during that time (lunch, a movie, laughter and conversation, etc.). Married couples get to this place where the woman treats the man like one of her children (fussing, nagging, etc.) and the man treats the woman like one of his annoying co-workers. Why is that?!?
Anonymous
A
Anonymous,
I don't claim to be a marriage expert, and this is just my opinion.
The longer I’m married, I realize our relationship is like an old t-shirt or a pair of sweats that are raggedy as @#!*% . We feel so comfortable in the old sweats or t-shirt and just can’t let it go. Nothing else in our closet makes us feel as comfortable, yet we wouldn’t dare wear it outside the house. As comfortable as the t-shirt is, there comes a time when you need to buy something new – keep the t-shirt, but buy a new one every now and then…just like marriage – keep the comfy feeling (no one else makes us feel this way), but sometimes we need to reNEW the relationship.
Getting comfortable is actually a good thing in marriage if it's not abused. Think about it. How many people can you do what you do and look like you look with your spouse? We're able to let our guards down and simply be who we really are - without masks. The only problem with this comfy feeling is when we take advantage of our comfort space. Instead of showing our spouse how much we appreciate being comfortable with them and growing old together, we misuse our old sweats and forget to treat them as special as we would a new pair of sweats.
LaVender
Can You Do It?
Can you do it?
Are you strong enough?
Humble enough?
Can you be wrong even when you know you're right?
Stop fighting...give in...surrender!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)