Welcome

There isn't a marriage that exists without some troubles, baggage, or as I like to call it...marital mess.

I use to think it was just my marriage that went through the storms of matrimony until I parted the curtains in my home and allowed others to feel comfortable parting their curtains - juuuust a little bit. Marriage is sacred and what goes on behind your closed doors is your business, but please know...we already know some of your mess simply because...you're married!

It doesn't matter if you're Buddhist, Christian, Jehovah's Witness, or a non-believer...your marriage endures some 'unhappily' from time to time. Needless to say...no marriage is perfect.

This blog was created only to let you know...you are not alone. Within this blog, my husband and I will periodically share some of our matrimony moments and ultimately share how God (yes, we are believers) always gets the glory - even in our mess.

When you visit UN Happily Married, you don't have to pretend...we already know...

• You aren't always happy.
• Marriage is a job requiring overtime hours.
• Some days you dislike your spouse.
• There is a thin line between love and hate.
• Some days you're in love and other days you wonder if you love your spouse at all.
• There are days you probably wish you were single.
• Many wives desire more time with their husband
• Many husbands desire more time away from home - I said many, not all. My husband has admitted that it is hard for some men to stay home. It's just the nature of men with nothing personal against the wife.

We also know there is nothing more you desire than a happy, peaceful, loving marriage without the unhappily days, but such a marriage is non-existence.

After 15 years of marriage, my own marital mess has come to a place of peace in spite of our individual and combined mess. Did it take 15 years? Yes, every day of it (lol) and we're still learning and growing together. There are days (hormones and lack of rest dictate) when I don't feel like playing the part of a wife and I KNOW there are days I drive my husband cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs, but this doesn't change our love for one another.

We may not like each other every day, but we made a vow for the long haul. The haul seems long and laborious sometimes, but we're on this journey together.

This blog is a place to come when you have those moments of 'unhappily' and to be reminded that you are not alone.

This is not a place to receive counsel. It is a place to receive encouragement and support and maybe even a few laughs as we share some of our own marital mess.

Yeah, we're a little different and we've accepted that, and it sure feels good admitting we are just one crazy couple striving to stay alive as we endure our daily warfare living together as one.

I Can't Take This Anymore!

"I can't take this anymore!"

I've said this before - more than once... and I'm still married.

Those 'midnight hour' emotions seem to last more than an hour and I often wondered if I'd find the strength to make it through that hour to see a dim light of joy and peace.

In the past, when I experienced those 'midnight hour' emotions, the worse thing I did was sit and think about how I felt. Good Lord, my own thoughts were damaging to my spirit, my mind, and my marriage. I needed something bigger than me to bring me out of my midnight hour. I needed to free myself of the damaging thoughts about my husband that were controlling my life.

When I feel bad, I think bad, and before I know it, everything around me looks bad, which is what leads me to thoughts of leaving my marriage. Focusing on my husband's faults, weaknesses, mistakes, and everything else that irritates me about him and my marriage comes to mind and before I know it, my midnight hour becomes darker.

You may not find one word on this sight to help you through your midnight hour, but I can tell you what helped me - prayer. It took a higher power (My God) to pull me out of the pits and believe it or not, my bad situation(s) allowed me to rise to a higher level - regardless of my husband's actions or words.

I had to mentally divorce the constant ugly thoughts of my husband and concentrate on my Self. I had to focus on my own mistakes and shortcomings. I had to focus on changing myself and my mindset. I had to focus on my relationship with my Prince of Peace, which was the answer to perfect peace in my marriage.

Another person should not control our thoughts, emotions, actions, or our happiness and this is what I found myself doing. I allowed my damaging thoughts to steal my peace, which was my power! Don't let anyone else steal your power.

Stop marinating on the bad and focus on the good through prayer. Prayer directs me to a place of peace - a place within myself where no one else can go. Find this place within yourself and it will get you through your 'midnight hour'.

We can't control our spouse's actions, but we can sure control our thoughts and reactions.

I Have A Headache

It's not easy looking or feeling romantic after a long day of working, cleaning, teaching, cooking, driving, talking, and whatever else your day requires of you.

The "I have a headache" trick is old and instead of using that tired phrase, I usually just sigh and repeat how tired I am several hours before bedtime. LOL

Does this help? No, hubby thinks a little romper room is just what the doctor ordered.

For many years, I would go into the bathroom and pray for the desire to don the sex machine hat, and after several years the prayer has been answered. Actually, I don't know if my peri-menopause is to credit or the answered prayers - maybe a combination of the two. No, I still don't feel like having sex everyday, but the desire has improved a LOT over the years.

Initiating sex was a big problem in our marriage. It took a while to realize men want to feel desired and wanted just as a women, but gooood grief...give me a break! After I've done all I know to do in being a half way decent help mate to hubby throughout the day, he STILL wants me to initiate sex? NOW we have a problem (lol). Needless to say, we've worked through this also.

It's a fact, a man's sexual appetite is usually stronger than a woman's, so we need to do whatever it takes (mentally and physically) to keep our men satisfied.

I'm sure you've heard the saying, "If you don't do it, someone else will." Unfortunately, our men deal with temptation every day in ways we'll never understand, so take an aspirin for the headache and take care of your business!

Resources

• Magnificent Marriage - 10 Beacons Show The Way to Marriage Happiness by Dr. Nick Stinnett, Dr. Donnie Hillard and Nancy Stinnett
• Love Life for Every Married Couple - How To Fall In Love And Stay In Love by Ed Wheat, M.D. and Gloria Okes Perkins
• For Better Or For Best - Understanding Your Husband by Gary Smalley
• For Better For Worse For Keeps - Renewing our marriage in the tough times by Bob Moeller
• Why Marriages Succeed or Fail...and How You Can Make Yours Last by John Gottman, Ph.D.
• Love, Marriage, & Sex - (free publication by Worldwide Church of God), Thomas Nelson, Inc., Publishers
• The Duties of Husbands and Wives (not one of my favs) by Richard Steele
• Every Man's Challenge by Arterburn & Stoeker w/Yorkey
• The 10 Commandments of Marriage - The Do's and Don'ts for a Lifelong Covenant by Ed Young
• The Five Love Languages - How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate by Gary Chapman
• The Fighting Marriage - Focus on the Family/Gary Smalley
• The Power of a Praying Wife/The Power of a Praying Husband by Stormie O'Martian
• A Biblical Portrait of Marriage - Dr. Bruce H. Wilkinson

When Adultery Knocks

Sigh...adultry...one of the most selfish acts of betrayal in a marriage.

Most women would agree the thought of their husband having an affair has crossed their mind. Unfortunately, the thought became a reality for many.

Embarrassing, devastating, unbelievable, life-changing, confusing, plus many more emotions visit the hearts of wives who have poured out their life to make a happy home and keep their husband satisfied - so they thought.

So, what does a woman do? Is adultery cause for divorce? Must one forgive? Does continual forgiveness ever turn into the act of enabling?

If adultery knocks at your door, only you can answer. Only you can make a decision on whether to leave or stay. Friends, family, counselors, or pastors can give you advice, counsel and suggestions, but you are the one living, sleeping, and looking in the face of your spouse everyday. You must make the decision for yourself - a decision you will be judged on, but nevertheless...the decision is yours.