Ditch The Dream

The following is an excerpt from my first book, "We Snap in Silence"

"My unexpected expectations of my husband took me to a pool of dissatisfaction and I began to ask the question, "What happened?" Not only were these expectation unfair to him, they were damaging our marriage. I began planning my dream wedding when I was in high school by purchasing brides books and imagining exactly what my wedding dress would be like. Little emphasis were put on my marriage because all my attention was on the wedding ceremony. I had a dream and expected my husband to help make my dream come true. He didn't have a chance! I set him up for failure from the very beginning. When I shared my feelings of discontent with him, he was confused."

Expectations deliver one thing - disappointment.

Don't place expectations on your spouse!

Marriage isn't what I make it, but what it makes me. Marriage molds two people into one through the trials, challenges, and storms of life. The more severe the storm, the stronger we stand.

Don't bail out, but pray to endure! Just when you're about to throw in the towel, the sun will peek through the dark clouds offering a ray of hope. Only the strong survive in marriage.

Help Me Be A Helpmate

Shared from my Mom's Peace Bites Blog

Hubby hugged me and held me tightly – longer than usual. I went away for the weekend – only the weekend. Hubby’s hug only confirmed what my father recently said to me, “your husband needs you.” Daddy’s wisdom and God’s grace has kept me in my marriage because there are many days I don’t feel like being married. Daddy went on to explain how men try to run the household, but it’s really the women. A man may never admit to needing his wife, but they do. It’s not about the physical help (cooking and sex) as much as it is the emotional help. The weight of being the leader in the home with the responsibility of financially providing for others is a weight many wives will never comprehend. Single mothers can definitely relate, but the married ones take it for granted mainly because we help with the providing – I take it for granted. It somewhat bruises a man’s ego to know he needs help from a woman and men are full of ego. 

Husbands need words of affirmation even when they aren’t stepping up to the plate like we think they should. Our help is what helps them step up, but our complaining and judging kills their manly spirit. I know my hubby needs me and the hug only reminded me, but can I get some of that help? Yes, that was my first thought, but of course God instructed me to lean on Him just a little more as a wife. I’m called to be a help mate, yet can barely help myself, but God is my helper! Thank you, Jesus! This morning when I heard hubby’s alarm clock, I saturated him in prayer and also asked God to empower me as a helpmate. Hubby needs my encouragement and support – again and again. Hubby needs my help – hubby needs me.

Are Women Equal to Men?

I always knew this, but it actually came out of his mouth.  My husband doesn't believe men and women are equal because man was created first. Oh. my. goodness.

Honey, I knew you were old school, but this is back in the woods NO school thinking. Sigh....God help me.

My response to hubby? I simply said, "Goodnight Irene."

"Marriage is like going to a dance. Ask your partner to dance even if you don't like the current song playing."  me

Enjoying Sex When Overweight

7 Ways to Enjoy Sex While on Your Way from Fat to Fit!

Thanks, Sandy!

I "WORK!"

I appreciate my husband going to work everyday - really, I do.

I use to homeschool our two sons, but they are both in school now and I am still at home. I'm sure hubby thinks I cook and clean all day, but I don't. I'm a writer, so I try to spend a few hours reading and writing everyday.  I refuse to cook and clean all day, but sometimes that's how the day goes. There is always something to do. 

Kevin gets a hot meal when he leaves the house every morning and a hot meal when he returns home - except on Fridays unless I just feel like cooking, which is rare. The least I can do for my working husband is feed him, right?

Kevin says he acknowledges what I do in the home as work, but he sure reminds me that he "WORKS" every day.  He actually puts emphasis on the word "work." Okay, so what exactly are you trying to imply? That I don't work? Just because I don't leave the house and interact with co-workers and customers doesn't mean I don't work.

Today, I wasn't going to "work."  I was going to relax with the boys and just enjoy the day. You know, take it easy. Before Kevin left for work this morning, he points out two bills that need to be paid. He's old school, so few bills are paid online, which means I have to leave the house, use unnecessary gas, and pay the bills in person. Good grief! Are you trying to make me "work?"

He also adds that I can go grocery shopping, but not to spend too much money. What? Today? Well, there goes my relaxing day! Sometimes I wonder if he finds things for me to do because he wants me to "work."

Regardless of what hubby thinks, I really do appreciate him getting up and going to work everyday.  Men take pride in providing for their family and I especially take pride in hubby providing for us because I can stay at home and "work." 

Speaking of "work," I guess I need to get up off my butt and get to "work." The boss left a list of things to do.  A woman's "work" is never done.

Sigh...hen is my day off!

Temptation

I attended my 30 year high school class reunion and not only did I see the faces of classmates I had not seen in years, I saw the face of temptation...

Read more here

Stick around for the rainbow

More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse. ~Doug Larson

I find this quote full of truth. Many marriages want to call it quits during difficult times. When the boat begins to rock, we want to bail, but there is always sunshine after the rain. It's walking through the storm that is the difficult part. We're afraid of the thunder or afraid we might get struck by a lighting bolt to our pride or to the heart.

Instead of allowing the storm to strengthen us, we seek shelter from it. We hide. We run away.

It's easier said than done, yes, but I've been there, done that, and have a few t-shirts!

Birthday Blessings

Hubby came through with flying colors on my birthday. Being a writer, you'd think I'd have the latest and greatest equipment and programs to do what I do best, but I don't. I'm old fashioned and still use a pen and a pad of paper to write. I still use an old program of Word and Outlook. Funny huh? Well, hubby hooked me up for my birthday. He even purchased a few of my favorite things. It's good to know that your spouse knows what you like and what you need. It shows they are paying attention to the little things that bring you joy.

I admit, I'm not an easy person to shop for. Hmph...I'm not an easy person to do anything for! So, for hubby to bless me the way he did, he gets brownie points for the rest of the year.  The longer we're married, the more we get to know each other and understand one another. We THOUGHT we knew each other when we said, I Do, but it takes years to merge into a oneness.

For those of you who are left wondering on birthdays and anniversaries, I've been there, done that, and have the t-shirt. It gets better over time, so hang in there and I choose to believe the spouse is doing the best they can!