"I Do!"

I haven’t blogged in a while because I’ve been speechless. I guess for a blog, I can say I've been wordless. 

I’m saddened by the number of marriages in my circle going through difficult times and I’m even more saddened by the ones pretending everything is okay. It’s no secret, marriage is difficult – downright hard as hell, especially if you don’t work at it.

Saying “I Do” was only the ignition for the fire. Just like a car...if all you do is start it up every time you get in it, then expect the car to stop running one day.  The oil needs to be checked and changed periodically, the tires need air, the transmission needs fluid, and even something as small as the windshield wipers need attention. They need fluid to work properly and you NEVER know when it might rain. The same is with a marriage, you NEVER know when your marriage may be hit by a storm, so it's best to be prepared. Do your part with the maintenance plan of your marriage.  

Saying, “I Do” has very little to do with the work a marriage requires, but saying, “I Do” is definitely agreeing to hard times in your marriage. We focus so much on the wedding plans, we forget the marriage is planning something for you! Most of us had no idea the plans our marriage had in store for us. I know I was KNOCKED OFF MY FEET! After eighteen years, we still go through.

God promised we would have trials and hard times, marriage IS NOT excluded. The foundation of the world and the church is a strong marriage, so of course marriages will often stand on shaky ground. 

You really don’t get to know a person until you say, “I Do.” I don’t know what it is about those two magical words, I Do, but it’s almost saying I do to revealing your true self, exposing your baggage that wasn’t visible at the alter, and taking the mask off that was worn throughout the dating stage.

Welcome to the land of "I Do."  Do you? Really? 

Stay tuned...I'm no longer wordless.

Words Hurt

While perusing through the pages of The 10 Commandments of Marriage by Ed Young, I came across the below passage and wanted to share.

"You know how most men and women respond to conflicts in marriage? They react with harsh words. They retaliate. They offer insult for insult. For instance,

• "Why do you wear your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" a wife asks.  Because it reminds me I married the wrong woman." he replies.
• "We have a good marriage," says a wife, "because both of us love the same man - You!"
• "You love football more than you love me," a woman complains. "Maybe so," her husband replies, "but I love you better than baseball."
• "What do your husband and you have in common?" a counselor wondered. "One thing," the woman replied. "Neither one of us can stand the other."

The statements may be humorous, but they help illustrate the lowest common denominator  to which many marriages sink in exchanging insult  for insult, injury for injury. "


If you don't think you can feel words, think again...words hurt!

Don't Quit

Your marriage is not yours to decide to quit. It belongs to two people and ultimately belongs to God. You'll take your marriage as seriously as you took your vows.

My Fish Plate

My primary love language is Acts of Service. If hubby washes the dishes, makes the bed, vacuums, or anything of domestic nature, I'm a happy woman! Today, he came home with a fish plate just for me. I was ecstatic! I had just finished cooking dinner, but I sat down with my fish plate and ate like I was in heaven. Fish and French Fries is one of my favorite meals. Hubby's act of service was right on time. It was like he cooked dinner especially for me! I kissed him on the lips (rare for me) and this small gesture spoke volumes to him because his secondary love language is Physical Touch. He was ecstatic and said, "Is that all I have to do to get a kiss?" Yeah, buddy! Feed me and you can have all the kisses you want!!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from us!  Our eyes are half shut, but we see great things in 2012! May your marriage be RICHLY blessed!

Speak My Love Language!

Do you know your spouse's love language?

 I've shared the Five Love Languages in a previous post and it's worth sharing again.
Hubby and I are facilitating a class titled, The Five Love Languages, and it's been a lot of fun. The other couple facilitating the class with us are genuine and open, which makes a difference in how the class is received.

So, back to my original question. Do you know your spouse's love language? Knowing it can change your marriage! We often speak a language comfortable to us or speak our own language, not realizing we may be neglecting our spouse's love language.

• Love Language #1 - Words of Affirmation
• Love Language #2 - Quality Time
• Love Language #3 - Receiving Gifts
• Love Language #4 - Acts of Service
• Love Language #5 - Physical Touch

In the upcoming weeks, I'll share a little about each love language.  To read more about the Five Love Languages and to take an assessment to learn your love language, click here

Ditch The Dream

The following is an excerpt from my first book, "We Snap in Silence"

"My unexpected expectations of my husband took me to a pool of dissatisfaction and I began to ask the question, "What happened?" Not only were these expectation unfair to him, they were damaging our marriage. I began planning my dream wedding when I was in high school by purchasing brides books and imagining exactly what my wedding dress would be like. Little emphasis were put on my marriage because all my attention was on the wedding ceremony. I had a dream and expected my husband to help make my dream come true. He didn't have a chance! I set him up for failure from the very beginning. When I shared my feelings of discontent with him, he was confused."

Expectations deliver one thing - disappointment.

Don't place expectations on your spouse!

Marriage isn't what I make it, but what it makes me. Marriage molds two people into one through the trials, challenges, and storms of life. The more severe the storm, the stronger we stand.

Don't bail out, but pray to endure! Just when you're about to throw in the towel, the sun will peek through the dark clouds offering a ray of hope. Only the strong survive in marriage.

Help Me Be A Helpmate

Shared from my Mom's Peace Bites Blog

Hubby hugged me and held me tightly – longer than usual. I went away for the weekend – only the weekend. Hubby’s hug only confirmed what my father recently said to me, “your husband needs you.” Daddy’s wisdom and God’s grace has kept me in my marriage because there are many days I don’t feel like being married. Daddy went on to explain how men try to run the household, but it’s really the women. A man may never admit to needing his wife, but they do. It’s not about the physical help (cooking and sex) as much as it is the emotional help. The weight of being the leader in the home with the responsibility of financially providing for others is a weight many wives will never comprehend. Single mothers can definitely relate, but the married ones take it for granted mainly because we help with the providing – I take it for granted. It somewhat bruises a man’s ego to know he needs help from a woman and men are full of ego. 

Husbands need words of affirmation even when they aren’t stepping up to the plate like we think they should. Our help is what helps them step up, but our complaining and judging kills their manly spirit. I know my hubby needs me and the hug only reminded me, but can I get some of that help? Yes, that was my first thought, but of course God instructed me to lean on Him just a little more as a wife. I’m called to be a help mate, yet can barely help myself, but God is my helper! Thank you, Jesus! This morning when I heard hubby’s alarm clock, I saturated him in prayer and also asked God to empower me as a helpmate. Hubby needs my encouragement and support – again and again. Hubby needs my help – hubby needs me.

Are Women Equal to Men?

I always knew this, but it actually came out of his mouth.  My husband doesn't believe men and women are equal because man was created first. Oh. my. goodness.

Honey, I knew you were old school, but this is back in the woods NO school thinking. Sigh....God help me.

My response to hubby? I simply said, "Goodnight Irene."