Even though Lee tried to be kind with words about my expanding waistline, I tended to overreact as though he said them harshly. I would immediately go on the offense and say something like, "It's hard being here alone all day and we can't afford healthy food" or "I don't have time to exercise" and the real kicker "If you loved me you wouldn't care how big I got." I did not make it easy for my passive aggressive husband and conflict avoider to be something I'd want and require, no, demand, further down line--to be honest.
Many adultery experts will tell you that it is never the fault of the betrayed spouse that their partner chose to have an affair, and they're right. Counseling, divorce and separation are healthier choices. However, I think it's important that I at least accept my share of the blame as to the downfall of our marriage.
We shared spectacular superficial conversations together and were always there for one another through hardships and believe me we've had them, i.e.; deaths in the family, bankruptcy, loss of jobs, business ventures and failures, child rearing issues, etc. But the one thing neither of us were good at was discussing our lack of happiness with the other. He dreaded my over-the-top reactions and I didn't want to risk him having a bad day. This is something we will never do again and we're working really hard at being able to do so in an effort to fix our completely broken marriage.The dreams of my husband running off with a faceless woman continued on and off during my pregnancy. I questioned Lee numerous times and he denied the allegations and comforted me by saying he loved me and was just nervous and out of sorts about having our first child...Ryan was born August 7, 1994, just two and half years after we married.
Happy days followed and my dreams of infidelity had come to halt as we were now proud parents of a healthy baby boy. Lee re-enlisted with the Navy for four more years and we chose Cuba for his next tour of duty. Our house had a for rent sign up, Ryan was four months old and we were excited about the opportunity. But then we received word that there was a prisoner crisis in Cuba and military dependents were being sent home and those scheduled to come, couldn't.
We were devastated and tears of happiness turned to those of pain. As unfortunate luck would have it, an offer was accepted for our house and papers signed before we learned the news. Lee, Ryan and I had no choice but to move into an Econo Lodge until December when he was scheduled to and Ryan and I were set to live with my mom and stepfather in Michigan.
No sooner than Lee had his foot out the door, the dreams of him committing adultery resumed....
To be continued January 30th
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