This morning as I was saying goodbye to hubby, I wrapped my leg around him and kissed him goodbye. His eyes lightened up and he said, "Wow, where is that in the bedroom?"
I told my dear hubby that sex must begin in the morning, not just at night. I think it was the leg being wrapped around him that caught him off guard - I've never done that before - it wasn't the usual predictable kiss goodbye.
To keep a marriage from going stale, try something new! Be unpredictable! This doesn't mean ONLY the bedroom!
One of my most favorite songs is actually titled Unpredictable. I love it and often sing it to hubby to let him know....uh....can we do something else besides sit and watch t.v.? LOL!
I apologize if the content of the video offends you; try to concentrate on the words.
Are You Taking Care Of Business?
Husband or wife... Can you sing this song and know your words are true?
It's true that some men/women are just never satisfied, but all you can do is your part.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-7HoxLX2D5k
It's true that some men/women are just never satisfied, but all you can do is your part.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-7HoxLX2D5k
A Neglected Husband
As a wife and mother, it's so easy to pay attention to the little people's needs before I meet the needs of hubby. We were married for waaay tooooo many years before I realized hubby's needs needed to come before the children's. I didn't understand this at first. How in the world was I supposed to meet the needs of a grown man before I changed a diaper or fed my children? Well, that's it...those aren't the needs that are begging for attention. Remember, being a helper is a little deeper than we think.
As for the husbands. It's also easy to be that strong father figure and forget a tender woman is behind the scenes needing love and attention also. We'll address this in another post.
What are the signs of a neglected husband? Do you know? If not, why not ask your husband if he ever feels neglected or at the bottom of the food chain in your home.
I hate to say it, but I will. Men are big boys all grown up and yes, they want undivided attention also.
If most men have their physical needs met, they are good to go all day and night. Others may desire more quality time with you. Then there are some that need to be stroked emotionally more than others. The key is to find out what makes your husband tick.
Below is a short conversation hubby and I had about husband neglect.
Me: "Do you ever feel neglected?"
Hubby: thinking and smiling
Me: "Is it a physical neglect?"
Hubby: "No, we already conquered sex, so I guess not. Oh yea, when you fall asleep when we're watching a movie."
Sigh...my husband's number one love language is without a shadow of a doubt - physical touch. It's good to know what husbands need. When hubby and I took a course titled The Five Love Languages, it enhanced our marriage in so many ways. When we follow the principles taught in the book, it's like being a newlywed couple all over again.
Find out what your husband's love language is here.
Do You Need Heart Surgery?
If this picture looks a little gross to your or maybe just plain nasty, just think if we could see our ugly actions and thoughts on our hearts. Now THAT would be gross!
It's hard to believe that we could be the cause of some of the 'unhappily' in our happily married life. Searching your own heart and your own thoughts may be a rude awakening.
I have to constantly check myself and especially my thoughts. Our negative thinking in life definitely spills over to our marriage.
- Are you an optimistic person or do you find fault with everything and everyone?
- Do you find the good in all situations?
- Do you try to find good traits in others
- Do you complain when it rains? Hmmm
- Does your heart beat to the sound of music or mess
If you are a person that is never satisfied and constantly finding something to complain about, maybe it's time for a little heart surgery. Your marriage will not get better until YOU get better.
- Check your thought
- Check your actions
- Check for any bitterness that may be lingering
- Check for a complaining spirit
- Check to see if you've given any compliments today. Hmmm
- FORGIVE!!
A little heart surgery is the perfect 'V' Day gift!
Love The Hell Out Of Your Spouse
I'm perfectly aware that everyone doesn't have a spouse who is easy to love. Hubby and I have been there.
Yesterday, I baked heart shaped Oatmeal Raisin Cookies, and attached a love note to them for hubby... just because. Hubby was very appreciative and even booked a dinner date for us this weekend. Wow! It hasn't always been like this, thus the reason for this site.
There have been times where we've been so selfish, stubborn, and stuck on ourselves that it didn't matter what the other did. Better yet, don't even attempt because I'm not interested!
Bitterness and wounded emotions from past hurts play a big part in showing and receiving love. Playing teenage games and stirring up jealousy and insecurities only hinders love. I didn't learn to love until I got married. Being in love takes no effort, but loving in hard times is laborious!
Love is work. Love is about meeting your spouse's needs and desires without looking for immediate returns. Love is being able to put your feelings on the line regardless of the outcome. Love is being an example of the love of God - a love none of us will ever perfect. Love is being humble and considering your spouse's needs before your own. Yes, love is work and it's more difficult when the spouse is actinglike a butt unlovable.
Someone in the marriage must be the love initiator to get the marriage on track. There were times when hubby and I waited on each other to make a move like we were playing chess - not realizing precious time in our life and marriage were passing by.
Everyone has a need for love - everyone. If your spouse seems to be a grouch or just in an ugly mood or flat out doesn't want to be bothered, love the hell out of them! Continue to show love until the hell is chased away. I'm a believer that love conquers all - I'm a witness!
Get ready for the long haul and put on your thick skin because it won't be easy.
Do it in the name of love - do your part!
Yesterday, I baked heart shaped Oatmeal Raisin Cookies, and attached a love note to them for hubby... just because. Hubby was very appreciative and even booked a dinner date for us this weekend. Wow! It hasn't always been like this, thus the reason for this site.
There have been times where we've been so selfish, stubborn, and stuck on ourselves that it didn't matter what the other did. Better yet, don't even attempt because I'm not interested!
Bitterness and wounded emotions from past hurts play a big part in showing and receiving love. Playing teenage games and stirring up jealousy and insecurities only hinders love. I didn't learn to love until I got married. Being in love takes no effort, but loving in hard times is laborious!
Love is work. Love is about meeting your spouse's needs and desires without looking for immediate returns. Love is being able to put your feelings on the line regardless of the outcome. Love is being an example of the love of God - a love none of us will ever perfect. Love is being humble and considering your spouse's needs before your own. Yes, love is work and it's more difficult when the spouse is acting
Someone in the marriage must be the love initiator to get the marriage on track. There were times when hubby and I waited on each other to make a move like we were playing chess - not realizing precious time in our life and marriage were passing by.
Everyone has a need for love - everyone. If your spouse seems to be a grouch or just in an ugly mood or flat out doesn't want to be bothered, love the hell out of them! Continue to show love until the hell is chased away. I'm a believer that love conquers all - I'm a witness!
Get ready for the long haul and put on your thick skin because it won't be easy.
Do it in the name of love - do your part!
Why We Don't Celebrate Valentine's Day
I told hubby when we first got married that I didn't care for Valentine's Day.
Why wait for a calendar month to bring me roses or a box of candy? Are you telling me you can't think of these small expressions of love on your own or are you just going with the flow of society?
Well, I'm sorry. I'm not a go with the flow kinda girl and I kindly asked him not to bring me a single rose if he had not done so within the months prior.
Well, hubby did it. Valentine's Day morning, he went to the corner gas station and brought back a sorry looking teddy bear holding a rose - a fake rose. Remember now, this was at the corner gas station - something like Circle K. We were living in California, so probably a 7/11. I was sopissed upset that I immediately threw it in the trash.
You're probably thinking I'm an ungrateful witch because I didn't accept my husband's expression of love. Well, the act was pure guilt in my eyes and I didn't appreciate it, so I refused to settle for it. It was important for me to set the tone in our marriage early about this man-made holiday of so-called love.
Why wait for a calendar month to bring me roses or a box of candy? Are you telling me you can't think of these small expressions of love on your own or are you just going with the flow of society?
Well, I'm sorry. I'm not a go with the flow kinda girl and I kindly asked him not to bring me a single rose if he had not done so within the months prior.
Well, hubby did it. Valentine's Day morning, he went to the corner gas station and brought back a sorry looking teddy bear holding a rose - a fake rose. Remember now, this was at the corner gas station - something like Circle K. We were living in California, so probably a 7/11. I was so
You're probably thinking I'm an ungrateful witch because I didn't accept my husband's expression of love. Well, the act was pure guilt in my eyes and I didn't appreciate it, so I refused to settle for it. It was important for me to set the tone in our marriage early about this man-made holiday of so-called love.
It wasn't much later that I began receiving purple (my favorite color) and lavender colored roses every Friday. Hubby thought of this himself and I was a happy wife! My heart leaped with ecstatic joy every Friday!! Go hubby, go hubby!!
Of course the roses eventually faded out as the years went by and the children came, but it's a memory I'll always cherish. I think the last time I received one was last year. You can read about that special day at Hubby Headlines.
So, if hubby thinks for one second that he can get away with once a year flowers or a sorry looking teddy bear on 'V' Day, he's got the wrong wife ESPECIALLY since he has shown me better. I married the best, so why settle for less?
All this talk about love has me thinking. Today I think I'll bake hubby some yummy Oatmeal Raisin Cookies and hook him up with a special love gift BEFORE the big 'V' Day approaches.
Why don't you join me? You don't have to bake. Write a love letter or a small note of thanks. Prepare a special meal for your spouse or simply express your appreciation for them if you haven't done so in a while. We can all do better in this area, so why wait until you're nudged to show a little love? Show some today!
The Love Month
Uh oh...the love month is here. The big 'V' day - Valentine's Day.
Some of us look forward to it and some of us hate to see it coming.
This month, we'll be sharing our first Valentine's Day as a married couple and why we no longer celebrate the 'V' day as a couple, yet as a family. It was an ugly day!
We will also share Learning to Love - a series of events that taught us HOW to love one another and how showing love invites love.
Posts will be frequent, so sign up for the emailing list or subscribe to be notified of updates.
Those on the emailing lists will have a chance to win some special gifts of love from us.
A Cure For Our Suffering Sex Life
Before sharing this post, it's important for me to mention it was hubby's idea to share this bedroom business because it may help someone. Sex is extremely important in marriage, yet I believe it's more important to most men, which is why he suggested I share.
During our season of storms, sex was a major issue. Actually, it probably caused a few of the storms. Women are emotional responders and it is very difficult to respond sexually when we don't feel loved - I am definitely NOT an exception to this.
When a couple isn't having sex, MAJOR problems on top of the pre-existing problems arise. Communication suffers and needs go unmet. Physical needs are everything to men (most men), which is why adultery, pornography, office affairs, crushes, and other sexual misconducts birth. Sex is like medicine to men - they gotta have it. I don't know about your man, but MY man has pms-like symptoms when he hasn't had his medicine - irritability, mood swings, etc...Good grief!
Hubby may have thought he was doing all the right things outside of the bedroom, but he wasn't speaking my love language, therefore, I did not respond to his sexual advances. Excuse me? Are you serious? I was disgusted at the thought he wanted to make love and our marriage was crumbling. I wanted to communicate and he wanted toscrew make love. Well, after a few talk to the back nights, hubby stopped making advances and waited for me to make a move. Ha! I love using the term "blue balled baboon" because it leaves no doubt in what I'm trying to convey.
When I mentally separated myself from hubby, I was gone...in every way - including sexually. I didn't see any reason to be intimate. It just didn't make sense to me. Let's get things right first and then we can make up. Hubby was quite the opposite. He was actually waiting for me to roll over and make mad love to him. You've GOT to be kidding me.
We talked a lot about these sexually struggling days forhim us and how he thought something was seriously wrong with our marriage because we weren't having sex. See how differently men and women think? I'm thinking we're already broken, but in hubby's eyes, we weren't broken until we stopped being intimate. Well, no wonder we weren't getting anywhere!
This went on for a long time until hubby couldn't handle the blue balls cold nights anymore. He asked me what the problem was. Uh...I don't have a problem, I'm fine! Sex was the bottom line. Sex wasn't happening, so we weren't happening.
For those of you who can continue to be intimate in the midst of a storm, I tip my hat off to you. I'm still not there, but hubby came up with a solution that works for us.
The root of our problem was my lack of initiation for sex. You know what, If I'm not feeling you all day, I'm sure not going to feel on you at night.
Hubby literally put the ball in my court (no pun intended). His humility in the bedroom and laying his ego aside has changed the atmosphere in our bedroom forever. He literally waits for me with no pressure, no demands, or Biblical reference about my body belonging to him. Because of his humble change, I changed and now...Sweet Hubby can have it anytime he wants it!!
This is what marriage is about - togetherness - harmony - compromise. We miss these things with our programmed expectations of the husband/wife roles. If men would just get a little lower and stop trying to control and expect the wife to 'serve' you, she'll serve all day long because she desires to show her love to you - in every way - especially the bedroom.
But noooo, men want to be Tarzan and swing their egos and muscles from tree to tree all day long and expect Jane to like it and perform in bed at night.
Not in this house - not anymore.
During our season of storms, sex was a major issue. Actually, it probably caused a few of the storms. Women are emotional responders and it is very difficult to respond sexually when we don't feel loved - I am definitely NOT an exception to this.
When a couple isn't having sex, MAJOR problems on top of the pre-existing problems arise. Communication suffers and needs go unmet. Physical needs are everything to men (most men), which is why adultery, pornography, office affairs, crushes, and other sexual misconducts birth. Sex is like medicine to men - they gotta have it. I don't know about your man, but MY man has pms-like symptoms when he hasn't had his medicine - irritability, mood swings, etc...Good grief!
Hubby may have thought he was doing all the right things outside of the bedroom, but he wasn't speaking my love language, therefore, I did not respond to his sexual advances. Excuse me? Are you serious? I was disgusted at the thought he wanted to make love and our marriage was crumbling. I wanted to communicate and he wanted to
When I mentally separated myself from hubby, I was gone...in every way - including sexually. I didn't see any reason to be intimate. It just didn't make sense to me. Let's get things right first and then we can make up. Hubby was quite the opposite. He was actually waiting for me to roll over and make mad love to him. You've GOT to be kidding me.
We talked a lot about these sexually struggling days for
This went on for a long time until hubby couldn't handle
For those of you who can continue to be intimate in the midst of a storm, I tip my hat off to you. I'm still not there, but hubby came up with a solution that works for us.
The root of our problem was my lack of initiation for sex. You know what, If I'm not feeling you all day, I'm sure not going to feel on you at night.
Hubby literally put the ball in my court (no pun intended). His humility in the bedroom and laying his ego aside has changed the atmosphere in our bedroom forever. He literally waits for me with no pressure, no demands, or Biblical reference about my body belonging to him. Because of his humble change, I changed and now...Sweet Hubby can have it anytime he wants it!!
This is what marriage is about - togetherness - harmony - compromise. We miss these things with our programmed expectations of the husband/wife roles. If men would just get a little lower and stop trying to control and expect the wife to 'serve' you, she'll serve all day long because she desires to show her love to you - in every way - especially the bedroom.
But noooo, men want to be Tarzan and swing their egos and muscles from tree to tree all day long and expect Jane to like it and perform in bed at night.
Not in this house - not anymore.
Mentally Leaving My Husband
Once I realized I really loved my husband and wanted to work on our marriage, I had to mentally divorce separate myself from hubby and concentrate on me. I turned him into a little god by focusing so much on him. Everything he did was analyzed and picked apart in my mind. It was difficult, but every time I thought of hubby, I forced myself and prayed to think of something else.
Through this process, I realized I had lost myself in the marriage. I expected hubby to make me happy, which was a big no-no. My mother told me before I got married to not expect my husband to make me happy, but obviously I didn't listen. Needless to say, it was time for me to reprogram myself without hubby. Although we were still living together and sleeping in the same bed, we were separate, and in my mind, I moved on.
This was a time of self reflection - a time to search myself and my heart - a time to fall in love with my first love - my Heavenly Father. Since I believed Jesus held the key to my marriage, it was Him I needed to focus on and booooy did He tell me a few things about myself.
I thought I was theholy more spiritually mature one in the marriage. Ha! God showed me I was nothing but a Bible quoting, pompous praising, wicked wife. Excuse me, God? Me? Oooooouch! You huuuurt me!
Yep, I was judging, pointing, and criticizing instead of accepting, uplifting, and encouraging my husband. Hubby once called me a hypocrite, and instead of listening to him, I prayed for him because I was convinced he wascrazy just bitter.
Needless to say, the mental separation was healing for our marriage because it began a change in me. I saw myself for who I really was and not who I thought I was. This was a mind blowing experience for me and life changing for our marriage.
No wonder so many husbands stray (physically or mentally) from wives that appear to be sweet, Christian women. Sometimes we can be so heavenly we are no earthly good and I'm sure I was no earthly good in bed during these trying times in our marriage.
Coming Next - A Suffering Sex Life
Through this process, I realized I had lost myself in the marriage. I expected hubby to make me happy, which was a big no-no. My mother told me before I got married to not expect my husband to make me happy, but obviously I didn't listen. Needless to say, it was time for me to reprogram myself without hubby. Although we were still living together and sleeping in the same bed, we were separate, and in my mind, I moved on.
This was a time of self reflection - a time to search myself and my heart - a time to fall in love with my first love - my Heavenly Father. Since I believed Jesus held the key to my marriage, it was Him I needed to focus on and booooy did He tell me a few things about myself.
I thought I was the
Yep, I was judging, pointing, and criticizing instead of accepting, uplifting, and encouraging my husband. Hubby once called me a hypocrite, and instead of listening to him, I prayed for him because I was convinced he was
Needless to say, the mental separation was healing for our marriage because it began a change in me. I saw myself for who I really was and not who I thought I was. This was a mind blowing experience for me and life changing for our marriage.
No wonder so many husbands stray (physically or mentally) from wives that appear to be sweet, Christian women. Sometimes we can be so heavenly we are no earthly good and I'm sure I was no earthly good in bed during these trying times in our marriage.
Coming Next - A Suffering Sex Life
Trash Thoughts About My Spouse
Before you develop a deep bitterness towards your mate, take some time and think about the good times, the good traits, and the loving moments you've shared with your spouse. You might have to go waaaaaay back, but those 'good times' are there. Your struggling season hasn't lasted the entire marriage.....has it?
Our thoughts dictate our actions, which is the reason for thinking 'good things' about your spouse and marriage during a storm. This was my downfall because I continually fed myself trash thoughts about hubby until I realized I was making myself sick - literally. There was NOTHING good about him (in my mind), so I had to change my thoughts. This took prayer
Low and behold, the man I married began to appear (in my mind). Thoughts of him and our dating years brought smiles to my face. I was so happy to become his wife. It was only during these pleasant thoughts that I realized I wanted to remain married to hubby. I must mention, we were both at fault in letting the marriage circle the drain. I definitely did my share
Although he already said it was over, in my mind I was thinking the opposite. Yeah, that's what you think.
My second step was to remove any expectations I had of him doing anything constructive to make the marriage work. Removing expectations didn't make things easier, but it helped deal with rejection to my kind gestures. The rejections to spending time together, having simple conversation, or even cooking a nice meal. Hubby didn't want me to do anything for him. Fine with me!
It was during the times of rejections that I had to really depend on God's promises. I also realized this wasn't my marriage to walk out on - the marriage belonged to God from the beginning, so neither of us had any right to call the shots. This was a relief to me It was a relief because I knew it wasn't over until The Owner closed the door.
To be continued....
Our thoughts dictate our actions, which is the reason for thinking 'good things' about your spouse and marriage during a storm. This was my downfall because I continually fed myself trash thoughts about hubby until I realized I was making myself sick - literally. There was NOTHING good about him (in my mind), so I had to change my thoughts. This took prayer
Low and behold, the man I married began to appear (in my mind). Thoughts of him and our dating years brought smiles to my face. I was so happy to become his wife. It was only during these pleasant thoughts that I realized I wanted to remain married to hubby. I must mention, we were both at fault in letting the marriage circle the drain. I definitely did my share
Although he already said it was over, in my mind I was thinking the opposite. Yeah, that's what you think.
My second step was to remove any expectations I had of him doing anything constructive to make the marriage work. Removing expectations didn't make things easier, but it helped deal with rejection to my kind gestures. The rejections to spending time together, having simple conversation, or even cooking a nice meal. Hubby didn't want me to do anything for him. Fine with me!
It was during the times of rejections that I had to really depend on God's promises. I also realized this wasn't my marriage to walk out on - the marriage belonged to God from the beginning, so neither of us had any right to call the shots. This was a relief to me It was a relief because I knew it wasn't over until The Owner closed the door.
To be continued....
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