We're Just Friends - Yeah, Right!

Platonic Relationships

I really should open the floor for comments on this one. So many different opinions based on experiences. The only experience I have is my own and I vote NO - no such animal as a platonic relationship in a marriage. I've tried it and it doesn't work.

Sure, if you have friends of the opposite sex that you only see or speak to once every blue moon then this type friendship is safe - it can exist, but to see a friend of the opposite sex OFTEN and meet for an occasional dinner or drink and chit chat on the phone - NO WAY!

Someone's emotions will cross the magic line. Someone will fall in love or desire more time. Someone's attraction will grow waaaaay past the friendship attraction line. It's the nature of - human nature - it's bound to happen!

Years ago, I listened to a conversation with a married couple I use to babysit for. The husband believed a platonic relationship could work and the wife disagreed. After listening to both sides, I agreed with the husband. I was only in high school, but my young mind couldn't understand the wife's reasoning. Good grief woman, you can't have friends? What's wrong with you? Well, a few years later I joined the Navy and realized why this wife felt the way she did. A man's definition of 'friend' is different from a woman's definition. Men SLEEP with their friends! LOL!

Unfortunately, while overseas, I also received news that this couple divorced. Hmmm....wish I could share the details with you, but let's just say...platonic relationships in a marriage DO NOT work!

I had a friend from high school contact me and I was thrilled to hear from him. We were great friends in school. The phone calls became more frequent and I begin to feel uncomfortable. I had to end the calls. I was married and so was he. It just wasn't right. Although he didn't see any harm in our talking, I followed my instinct. I thought about hubby's feelings and better yet...how would I feel if some woman kept calling the house for him? Excuse me? You MUST have the wrong number! There must be a high level of respect in marriage.

Remember the song Just a Friend?

Oh Baby, yooooou. You got what I neeeeed. But you say he's just a friend, but you say he's just a friend. Oh baby yoooou. You got what I neeeeed. But you say he's just a friend, but you say he's just a friend.


Larie Carlice Proverbs 27:19 said...

Girrrrrl, I remember the song and yes, you are so absolutely right about the emotions getting involved.

I so thought that I could be friends with a young man whom I grew up with in spite of the fact that we always "liked" one another.



*Tanyetta* said...

**platonic relationships in a marriage DO NOT work!**
I agree with this 10000%.

Jackie said...

laVender, even as a single woman with Navy experience among a sea of men.. I can recall all the men "friends" I collected. I was naive back then. Always trying to take people at face value. One thing I never did was intentionally befriend a married man. -Outside of what was a normal at work friendship.

Here's another question though. What if a single woman is friends with a single man who.. gets a girl friend? Does this single woman and guy friend stop being friends? I've got two situations of this. A friend since middle school and another get married and I'm still good friends with them and their wives. Would you go for that?

Amber said...

I had a time where hubby had a lady friend who he had known for a few years. I was not comfortable with his meeting up with her for a buisness lunch or anything. He kept saying it was just friends and she was nice to me even invited my family to her house for a holiday party but I could never get over the feeling that she ( who was single) wanted a little more than friendship from him.
When I eventually told how much it really upset me he did quit meeting her or answering her calls.
I felt bad, but I never felt her interest in him was simply "as a friend".
I agree with you, a friend of the opposite sex, you see often I think it's too dangerous to have.

Good post!

MOMSWEB said...

Jackie, as a married woman who has been on both sides of the friendship fence, it's best (in my opinion) to keep the friendship at a distance. You never know what a person is thinking although everything may appear okay. Insecurities are quiet, yet run deep.